Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.

1 lurker | 140 watchers
Aug 2023
9:05pm, 30 Aug 2023
25,531 posts
  •  
  • 0
Bazoaxe
It becomes difficult when one sibling goes out of their way to create issues and leads to tears from both his sister and his mother.

I know he has mental health issues but they can no longer be used as an excuse.
Sep 2023
7:07am, 4 Sep 2023
25,560 posts
  •  
  • 0
Bazoaxe
My son and his now fiancée returned from California and so yesterday they came round to tel mil their news in person.

She doesn’t see them often so took a while before she worked out who they were and then there was some confusion in the telling.

However when she realised the news it was lovely to see her reaction. It fair cheered her up.

Sadly though the carer who was there said BiL appeared to have let himself into the stair the previous night but not the flat and left the medication propped against the door.

I have tried sending a text to see if there is any way we can find some common ground as the impact this is having on all involved is quite significant. No reply yet which I hope means he is sleeping on it.
Sep 2023
7:52am, 4 Sep 2023
63,674 posts
  •  
  • 0
LindsD
Fingers crossed Baz

Glad that MiL was happy about the news
Sep 2023
2:01pm, 4 Sep 2023
6,632 posts
  •  
  • 0
Little Miss Happy
Nice that MiL was able to understand and appreciate the good news Baz. I guess a small glimmer of hope is that BiL hasn't absolved himself of all responsibility?
Sep 2023
7:01pm, 4 Sep 2023
25,562 posts
  •  
  • 0
Bazoaxe
That was nice LMH.

I am not sure on the glimmer as he normally drops the medication in and also visits. It is his turn to do shopping this weekend and will he just leave that outside?

I have had no reply to my text yet so am hoping he is giving it some consideration. If he doesn’t reply or rejects the approach I am not sure where that leaves us. Especially as there will be at some stage be a wedding invite going through his door.
Sep 2023
7:34pm, 4 Sep 2023
12,267 posts
  •  
  • 0
lammo
Or not....
jda
Sep 2023
6:13pm, 9 Sep 2023
15,432 posts
  •  
  • 0
jda
FiL's car is disposed of and he seems to be avoiding any face to face discussion over the subject so I guess at some level he knows he's not getting another one. We have provisionally arranged for someone to drive him to the shops as a sort of welfare visit - we did it ourselves yesterday but it's not something we can be tied to on a regular basis (for one thing we're about to go away for a month) and anyway a few more visits and trips while he can is probably a good idea. The cost is of course peanuts compared to a care home which is his likely fate at some point. He's also clearly failing on financial affairs so my wife has invoked PoA with the bank and is sorting out his desperately incoherent tax return...

Worrying smell of oil in his house, it's been getting gradually worse. At first we thought it was probably fumes from the non-functional heating system, but are coming round to thinking it's more likely an oil leak somewhere under the building. Ho hum. Will try to turn the tap off next time we visit. The building is probably going to be condemned anyway when the time comes...
jda
Sep 2023
6:16pm, 9 Sep 2023
15,433 posts
  •  
  • 0
jda
He has also just got a new driving licence which seemed odd since his isn't due for renewal for a while yet, then I had a moment of inspiration and google confirmed that the DVLA will often give a short-duration one to Alzheimer's patients. Not that it matters much other than as a handy ID card.
Sep 2023
6:19pm, 9 Sep 2023
63,792 posts
  •  
  • 0
LindsD
Oil smell sounds worrying
Sep 2023
6:28pm, 9 Sep 2023
6,641 posts
  •  
  • 0
Little Miss Happy
That doesn’t sound great jda.

About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD
I thought I'd start a thread, as lots of us have elderly folks that we worry about/care for.

Useful info for after someone dies here (with thanks to grast_girl)
moneysavingexpert.com

Other useful links

myageingparent.com

moneysavingexpert.com

Who pays for residential care? Information here:

ageuk.org.uk

Advice on care homes and payment/funding

theguardian.com

Also: After someone dies, if their home insurance was only in their name, sadly the cover becomes void. But if the policy was in joint names, it will still cover the surviving policyholder (though the names on the policy will need to be updated).

A useful book of exercises for memory loss and dementia
amazon.co.uk

Pension Credit. The rules are a bit complex but if your elderly relative has some sort of disability (in this case dementia/Alzheimer's) and go into a home, they may be able to claim pension credit. So if carers allowance stops, it seems pension credit can start. It can also be backdated.

Fall alarm company, etc.

careium.co.uk

Useful Links

FE accepts no responsibility for external links. Or anything, really.

Related Threads

  • age
  • family
  • support









Back To Top
X

Free training & racing tools for runners, cyclists, swimmers & walkers.

Fetcheveryone lets you analyse your training, find races, plot routes, chat in our forum, get advice, play games - and more! Nothing is behind a paywall, and it'll stay that way thanks to our awesome community!
Get Started
Click here to join 113,228 Fetchies!
Already a Fetchie? Sign in here