Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.
140 watchers
Sep 2023
7:45pm, 9 Sep 2023
25,582 posts
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Bazoaxe
That sounds tough jda. We thought BiL might have been considering our olive branch. He has instead cut all contact. Says he will still fulfill PoA duties but is not doing shopping or anything else. Not speaking to us or MiL. It’s hard to comprehend what goes on in his mind. |
Sep 2023
9:32pm, 9 Sep 2023
63,793 posts
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LindsD
Shit. How can he fulfil PoA duties if he doesn't spend time w her. How would he know what she wants? I'm sorry.
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Sep 2023
9:33pm, 9 Sep 2023
63,794 posts
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LindsD
(I get that simple finance things would be possible, but health?)
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Sep 2023
5:53am, 10 Sep 2023
6,643 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Sorry to hear that Baz.
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Sep 2023
12:12pm, 10 Sep 2023
15,437 posts
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jda
Were you stuck with the "jointly" PoA Bazo? I think I recall something along those lines... My experience has been that the formality of a PoA is rarely if ever properly enforced other than by financial institutions. For my father, there was never any formal assessment of capacity. Regardless, the various people we (mainly my mother, but not only her) interacted with acted on the basis of common sense. That's also been our experience so far with FiL who is not so far down the path. The only time my wife has had to prove any sort of PoA so far is in setting up arrangements to access his bank account. She signed over his car to the wreckers without any hindrance...and got the salvage fee paid to her own account (we are of course keeping accounts of the various in and outgoings). |
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Sep 2023
12:27pm, 10 Sep 2023
25,584 posts
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Bazoaxe
Yeah, it is definitely jointly and one cannot act without the other jda. Quite how that works when one of the two refuses to have anything to do with the other is not clear. The whole situation is an unnecessary mess all of BiLs making. In some ways if he keeps to his word of having no contact and the nasty emails and texts stop then things will for us get better in time. Mrs axe is not in a good place at all. I warned BiL that this was where he was leading things all so he can protect his mental health but with no care for the impact on others. Ironically right now she and my daughter are meeting our niece for lunch. What she knows of all this we don’t know. We assume she would be wondering why there were to be two separate 90th birthday celebrations. And if she doesn’t know yet, she will soon be wondering why the one she was invited to doesnt go ahead. |
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Sep 2023
1:25pm, 10 Sep 2023
63,803 posts
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LindsD
That's all so sad. I'm sorry. I hope Mrs Axe can protect her own mental health
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Sep 2023
2:08pm, 10 Sep 2023
15,438 posts
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jda
That's unfortunate Bazo. One option (perhaps a bit of a last resort) would be to ask him if he'd resign his responsibility, but that might not go down too well and is irrevocable. Other than that it seems you're left crossing your fingers and hoping he will cooperate as necessary. I suspect you won't be able to avoid contact and it will be stressful and unpleasant for however long it lasts. Dealing with finance in particular - welfare staff may be more practical, but banks will probably want joint instruction for any and every financial transfer. A salutary tale as to why "jointly" is usually a bad option. |
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Sep 2023
5:36pm, 10 Sep 2023
25,588 posts
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Bazoaxe
He won’t resign his responsibilities. It’s tough on the joint part. A parent probably doesn’t foresee such a situation arising between their children. I certainly wouldn’t Mrs axe did learn from our niece some other thing going on which probably explain, but don’t excuse, his behaviour in recent times. |
Sep 2023
12:58am, 11 Sep 2023
1,590 posts
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Hibeedeb
Sounds tough Bazoaxe. My brother and I are estranged from our sister, but luckily she lives in England now, and my brother and I are in Canada, near our parents. Mr H and I, and my brother and sis in law have just spent the weekend helping my parents clear their house so they can move into a retirement residence this week. They are 90 and 87 and still relatively fit - my dad was helping us carry furniture down the stairs. Selfishly I am really glad they are moving now, so my brother and I (who are the executors) won’t have to fight with our sister over their house. She has a great sense of entitlement and would make things difficult for us. |
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