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Feb 2012
3:30pm, 16 Feb 2012
3,635 posts
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Trin
rd... thanks for that xx
mulbs... I guess you can only take it one day at a time at the moment and try to make the best of the situation. Whatever you do, keep talking in here so you don't feel on your own with it all
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Feb 2012
3:36pm, 16 Feb 2012
5,079 posts
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mulbs
Thanks Trin don't know what I would do without the Fetchverse sometimes tbh, feeling v isolated today and it does help to know I can post here x
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Feb 2012
3:43pm, 16 Feb 2012
66,777 posts
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santababy
You poor thing x
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Feb 2012
3:44pm, 16 Feb 2012
19,313 posts
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Velociraptor
That's hard, mulbs 
Do you and your OH have any outside support, or are there any other services involved with looking after the lad?
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Feb 2012
4:02pm, 16 Feb 2012
5,081 posts
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mulbs
he won't accept that there is a need to change anything, it's all just a bit unpleasant really and it's only been a week and it feels like forever. to even try and list the aspects of what's unpleasant just sounds like a list of trival cack and I understand that playing mind games is the only bit of control he has in his life just now. he will be 19 in March and he has no intention of doing anythign with his life apart from f***ing it up. OH doesn't really know what to do either, a sensible conversation is out of the question because we either get lip service of "fair, fair" or "indeed" or "thanks" and then he just ignores whatever has been discussed or we are challanged on a miniscul aspect or phrase that we've used and everythign gets twisted. he won't look for a job but lies and says he is, he has no interest in anything, some days he is having 4 showers and incessently spraying boy-deodorant, other days no shower at all,sometimes his behaviour seems compulsive, sometimes it seems liek he has memory problems, sometimes he laughs in your face for no reason but other times he can be really coherent and eloquent in his argument.
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Feb 2012
4:52pm, 16 Feb 2012
7,446 posts
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runner duck
oh dear mulbs, sounds like he's really scrambled. i really recognise that pick on a small thing said/done and divert the argument down a cul-de-sac strategy. i get round that now by saying 'we're not talking about that now, we're talking about this', ad infinitum, if necessary. it took me about 8 years to figure that out and it doesn't always work but it can help if you can remember to just keep saying it.
i'm guessing he'll be feeling like a bit of a victim at the moment. and not in control (as you say). he might need a bit more time to settled down (and hopefully not take drugs) before he can get on a more even keel or even trust you and his dad not to kick him out as well. it's hard to tell, really.
really don't envy you (((())))
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Feb 2012
6:04pm, 16 Feb 2012
2,551 posts
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SarahWoo
Oh mulbs, how awful for you. Don't know what to say to help other than to offer an ear or a shoulder (or both!) whenever you need it. (((((((((HUGS)))))))) xxxx
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Feb 2012
6:08pm, 16 Feb 2012
5,093 posts
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mulbs
have been pathetic and basically hidden in my office all day which was a waste of time because I coul;dn't concentrate for toffee! I am such a wimp!
thanks for hugs, ears and shoulders, they are VERY much appreciated x
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Feb 2012
8:35pm, 16 Feb 2012
709 posts
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activeight
Mulbs that sounds very difficult. Its very early days and must be tough.
Its going to be difficult to help him if he doesn't want to or feel the need to change.
Is he still using drugs, if so can you ask for advice from Frank www.talktofrank.com Maybe they can help if he's off the drugs and having mood swings and give you some pointers on the best way to help and support him. (Hertforshire don't have a registered Drug Action Team atm)
If you can get him to go to your Gp to discuss issues with a counsellor I'm sure he will benefit, although if he doesn't see the need to change thats going to be difficult.
(((O)))
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Feb 2012
7:09am, 17 Feb 2012
5,094 posts
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mulbs
Thanks all, we spoke to a branch of the Westminster drug project last week and they can be hugely helpful if he is accepting of it. I guess it will go one of two ways and things will either get better or they won't. Will probably come in here a fair bit when it's getting to me, apologies in advance if it gets boring,
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