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Joke of the day........

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GordonG Feb 2021 4:38pm, 9 Feb 2021 8,468 posts	0 GordonG What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
colindglen Feb 2021 8:56am, 10 Feb 2021 1,440 posts	0 colindglen I've got the urge to buy a nice car, visit pregnant women & deliver their babies. I think I'm having a midwife crisis.
Maclennane Feb 2021 1:25am, 12 Feb 2021 26,952 posts	0 Maclennane I used to date a stewardess from Helsinki But one day she just vanished into Finnair
iRicey Feb 2021 11:45am, 12 Feb 2021 477 posts	0 iRicey A group of blokes, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Coventry because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts. Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Coventry because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent. Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Coventry because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money. Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Coventry because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled. Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where1 they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Coventry because they had never been there before.
Maclennane Feb 2021 3:30pm, 13 Feb 2021 26,956 posts	0 Maclennane My nan won a cricket bat at the village fete. Tombola? No, colin ran her out for 75. Good knock though.
Jason1969 Feb 2021 8:58pm, 13 Feb 2021 12,819 posts	0 Jason1969 I said to my wife "We should think about adoption" She said "But we've already got three kids" I said "Yeah, let's get them adopted. "
Binks Feb 2021 6:45pm, 15 Feb 2021 8,051 posts	0 Binks Hope you don't mind the advertising post on here but I've just started a business making chimneys and I've got a special offer for you. First one's on the house.
dUNKle Feb 2021 7:50pm, 15 Feb 2021 47 posts	0 dUNKle Just visited one of those price comparison sites Apparently Vincent was taller than Katie and heavier than Alan
Mushroom Feb 2021 8:00pm, 15 Feb 2021 1,488 posts	0 Mushroom Just walked passed a bloke who was speaking very highly of the Doppler effect. He soon changed his tune though..
Mushroom Feb 2021 9:50am, 16 Feb 2021 1,491 posts	0 Mushroom Sick and tired of hearing these Olympic athletes say how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made. What do they want, a medal..?