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Aug 2020
5:27am, 12 Aug 2020
2,092 posts
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TBR (TheBeardRunner)
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Aug 2020
7:11am, 12 Aug 2020
5,844 posts
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daz1927
Wow, as a market research exercise this has proved invaluable, it will go down a blast.
There will also be an online version, on the Microsoft platform only.
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Aug 2020
7:12am, 12 Aug 2020
5,845 posts
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daz1927
I find as I get older I only need 3 shops in my life, Specsavers, Boots and Greggs.
My life is all specs and drugs and sausage rolls.
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Aug 2020
7:14am, 12 Aug 2020
10,118 posts
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XB
[Am I the only one who didn't understand the Meghan joke? I also don't understand the market research one either]
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Aug 2020
7:15am, 12 Aug 2020
5,846 posts
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daz1927
Tried to catch a handful of fog today.
Mist.
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Aug 2020
7:23am, 12 Aug 2020
36,971 posts
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Nellers
(Me too, XB, but as they were Daz jokes I figured I probably didn't want to know.)
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Aug 2020
7:28am, 12 Aug 2020
5,847 posts
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daz1927
I went to the gym for the first time today and had a go on the treadmill.
100 calories down within the first 20 minutes!
Then they told me to take the rest of my Happy Meal and leave the premises....
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Aug 2020
7:45am, 12 Aug 2020
51,950 posts
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Diogenes
My wife’s a big Tina Turner fan. For our anniversary I bought her a tin of half-used paint. After all, what’s love but a second-hand emulsion?
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Aug 2020
8:31am, 12 Aug 2020
1,192 posts
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mushroom
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”
The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”
The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man asks for the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
He asks for another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.
So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”
The man is relieved to finally get to the end.
He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk..
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Aug 2020
8:49am, 12 Aug 2020
330 posts
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PK
[Mushroom, if I tell you there are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth can I become a Monk, and can you let me know what's behind the door?]
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Mundane Joke Thread
Nov 2021