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Mar 2020
3:00pm, 27 Mar 2020
619 posts
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Cog Noscensme AHA
Just a heads up, if you get an email from the Department for Health saying not to eat tinned pork because it contains Covid-19 ignore it. It’s spam.
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Mar 2020
3:25pm, 27 Mar 2020
2,704 posts
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TomahawkMike
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
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Mar 2020
6:00pm, 27 Mar 2020
354 posts
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icenutter
What's the difference between Abu Dhabi and Dubai?
The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
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Mar 2020
8:40am, 28 Mar 2020
7,956 posts
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Binks
In honour of our Amazon drivers, let’s clap out our windows sometime between 9am and 6pm.
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Mar 2020
9:27am, 28 Mar 2020
5 posts
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dUNKle
Just heard from a mate who has the virus. They put him on one of those Dyson ventilators.
After 3 days he is picking up nicely
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Mar 2020
3:05pm, 28 Mar 2020
613 posts
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Muttley
There was no ventilator when my mate went in with the virus, so they used the old fashioned remedy of rubbing lard on his back. After that he went downhill fast.
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Mar 2020
3:40pm, 28 Mar 2020
8,495 posts
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simbil
Apple have just announced the iVentilator.
Things are getting really Siri-ous.
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Mar 2020
4:42pm, 28 Mar 2020
13,786 posts
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richmac
Yeah but it only works with 20 % of lungs
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Mar 2020
1:45pm, 29 Mar 2020
3,716 posts
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Mouseytongue
There’s some local chatter about turning a disused toy warehouse into a hospital. Hundreds of patients all under one roof to treat coviRus, coviRus, coviRus!
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Mar 2020
5:52pm, 30 Mar 2020
6 posts
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dUNKle
Just called in at Aldi on way home from work
Bloke in front was purchasing a sombrero, a piñata and a bottle of tequila
I thought to myself Hispanic buying
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Mundane Joke Thread
Nov 2021