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Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.

11 lurkers | 148 watchers
LipGloss
LipGloss
7 Feb
9:06am, 7 Feb 2025
79,946 posts
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LipGloss
Welcome NE. I no longer have oldies to deal with but this thread is still a part of me and it is full of useful tips when you need them.

Saying I have no oldies left doesn’t mean dad’s estate is wound up! Goodness knows what it taking so long.

Hope it all goes well today @McGoohan
McGoohan
McGoohan
7 Feb
9:12am, 7 Feb 2025
55,028 posts
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McGoohan
Thanks LG. I'll report back later. I was supposed to be out tonight but that's looking a bit... unlikely
macca 53
macca 53
7 Feb
9:13am, 7 Feb 2025
33,226 posts
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macca 53
Hope it all goes well @McGoohan

Welcome @Northern Exile - sounds like a few problems ahead but most people in here have had or are having similar problems so you’ll find lots of support.
Heinzster
Heinzster
7 Feb
9:24am, 7 Feb 2025
2,435 posts
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Heinzster
My MIL kept the house at a similar temperature to the surface of the sun. I couldn't tolerate it. Their poodle always was dressed in a wooly jumper inside. Don't know how it didn't keel over
cackleberry
cackleberry
7 Feb
9:25am, 7 Feb 2025
4,629 posts
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cackleberry
Quick update, mum is out of hospital and in (I think) temporary care home accommodation as of yesterday.
I'm going down again tomorrow and Sunday to sort out what bits she needs and to see what happens next.

I went with my brother a week and a half ago, while she was in hospital. I emptied her freezers that had been accidentally switched off some time ago and then we tried looking at doing some tidying, but it is overwhelming the amount of stuff she has.

Next steps are confirming exactly how the financial assessment works. We know she will be self funded, but don't want to have a massive shortfall after the house is sold. And we need to know things like - do we have to get on an sell it now, or after death or something in between.

Despite her dementia and general arthritis, there is not much wrong with her so she could easily have 5-10 years of care ahead.
LipGloss
LipGloss
7 Feb
9:25am, 7 Feb 2025
79,949 posts
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LipGloss
I honestly couldn’t bare a house that hot. My in-laws were the same.
icemaiden
icemaiden
7 Feb
9:29am, 7 Feb 2025
5,837 posts
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icemaiden
Cackle you don't have to sell straight away. You can make an agreement with the care home provider that gives them first call on the estate. Then you can pay after, they will charge interest, or a bit as you go to show willing. If you sell before she dies you can pay up what is owed and then pay as you go monthly. Assuming finances and estate are straightforward.
Big_G
Big_G
7 Feb
9:35am, 7 Feb 2025
4,525 posts
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Big_G
Relating to estates, I must say, one of the first care providers for Dad rubbed me up the wrong way. A manager came on the first visit and immediately asked to see a copy of his Will! They didn’t last long, not just because of that, but mainly because their care was appalling. So bad in fact that I got a full refund for a few months, at £3K a month, for their supposed ‘care’.
Garfield
Garfield
7 Feb
9:40am, 7 Feb 2025
18,354 posts
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Garfield
Crumbs Big_G, that sounds horrendous!

Welcome NE - there's plenty of good advice here and it's a good place to vent when things are tough to deal with. We've been in or currently are in similar positions with various family members.
cackleberry
cackleberry
7 Feb
9:45am, 7 Feb 2025
4,630 posts
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cackleberry
Do they come and actually evaluate the house, like an estate agent? 'Cos that is what we need!
The difference in price between what Zoopla tells us, and what the house is actually worth (due to state of repair etc) is about 100-grand different.

(I will be asking the social worker team this, when they return my calls...)

About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD
I thought I'd start a thread, as lots of us have elderly folks that we worry about/care for.

Useful info for after someone dies here (with thanks to grast_girl)
moneysavingexpert.com

Other useful links

myageingparent.com

moneysavingexpert.com

Who pays for residential care? Information here:

ageuk.org.uk

Advice on care homes and payment/funding

theguardian.com

Also: After someone dies, if their home insurance was only in their name, sadly the cover becomes void. But if the policy was in joint names, it will still cover the surviving policyholder (though the names on the policy will need to be updated).

A useful book of exercises for memory loss and dementia
amazon.co.uk

Pension Credit. The rules are a bit complex but if your elderly relative has some sort of disability (in this case dementia/Alzheimer's) and go into a home, they may be able to claim pension credit. So if carers allowance stops, it seems pension credit can start. It can also be backdated.

Fall alarm company, etc.

careium.co.uk
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