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Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.

1 lurker | 151 watchers
Aug 2024
7:58am, 21 Aug 2024
18,064 posts
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Garfield
MIL is having a bit of a case of the wobbles - it's not the ideal placement as it's 40 minutes away from where she's been living for the last 55 years.

Her support network is there as well, but her stay in the hospital under ALC means she had to take whatever comes up first. She'll still stay on the list for her current location. She does have a friend who lives in the new location, who was very happy to hear that she was moving to Pembroke, so she'll know one person in town.
jda
Aug 2024
9:52am, 21 Aug 2024
17,664 posts
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jda
A few wobbles is probably about as good as can be expected in the circumstances Garfield. Hopefully she’ll settle ok.
3M
Aug 2024
11:07am, 21 Aug 2024
24,608 posts
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3M
Fingers crossed, Garfield.

I had occasion to "use" my Mum's PoA yesterday - talking to her mortgage provider (don't ask why a 92 year old has a mortgage, that's a whole other barking mad issue) since it's due to finish next month. TBH, we're all a bit surprised in a mostly good way she's still with us after the last few months.

I think she thought it was a "lifetime mortgage" that would in some way die with her - except (a) she's still alive, albeit "not there" for much of the time and has no concept of money/value any more, and (b) as we all know, your debts don't die with you. Only your DB and state pensions do that.... It's going to be fun, I feel, sorting this one out.

At the same time my Father-in-Law seems to be suddenly much more "needy" - he's lost a lot of his confidence after falling a few weeks ago and injuring his eye (now repaired, pretty much), despite being pretty healthy otherwise. We do wonder if he's now suffering from depression and/or anxiety- pretty sure a couple of his "wobbles" over the past few weeks have been about changes to routine which he would previously have taken in his stride as opportunities to socialise. He's borrowed a friend's walker today to take himself to the chiropodist (about 500 metres from the flats where he live), so we're hoping he sees that as a good outing and invests accordingly. (We're also working on him to sell his 3 litre Mercedes and get a mobility scooter to give him back some of his freedom/independence!)
Aug 2024
12:14pm, 21 Aug 2024
54,412 posts
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McGoohan
It has absolutely turned to shit here. MiL has gone completely off the deep end and repeatedly assaulted the live-in carer this morning. Carer is shaken but okay and has left the house. Very likely the care company will withdraw all further support now.

Not sure a care home will willingly take her.
Aug 2024
12:20pm, 21 Aug 2024
77,158 posts
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Lip Gloss
Oh dear McG not what you need. I think one care company did the same with my dad too .
Aug 2024
12:36pm, 21 Aug 2024
19,613 posts
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Mandymoo
Oh McG that's a very hard situation. Hope it gets sorted for you
Aug 2024
1:08pm, 21 Aug 2024
7,348 posts
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Little Miss Happy
McG - it might be worth involving the GP and possibly the police - it sounds as though MiL might be sectionable which whilst an awful thing to have to deal with would mean that things are taken out of her (and your) hands.

3M - I hope it is just a lack of confidence.
Aug 2024
1:14pm, 21 Aug 2024
54,413 posts
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McGoohan
One of Liebling's sisters is messaging the doctor. It's possible due to what's happened, the care company will inform social services. I think sectioning is possibly one of the better outcomes.

MiL now claiming that carer attacked her and 'threw her across the room'. Yeah, right
Aug 2024
1:18pm, 21 Aug 2024
18,065 posts
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Garfield
Sorry to hear this McG. Good luck with whatever transpires with MIL.
Aug 2024
1:30pm, 21 Aug 2024
7,350 posts
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Little Miss Happy
It's traumatic and not without issues McG but if she is admitted on a Section 2 which is then made into a 3 it makes life easier in the long term. If I can help in anyway please message me (personal and professional experience).

About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD
I thought I'd start a thread, as lots of us have elderly folks that we worry about/care for.

Useful info for after someone dies here (with thanks to grast_girl)
moneysavingexpert.com

Other useful links

myageingparent.com

moneysavingexpert.com

Who pays for residential care? Information here:

ageuk.org.uk

Advice on care homes and payment/funding

theguardian.com

Also: After someone dies, if their home insurance was only in their name, sadly the cover becomes void. But if the policy was in joint names, it will still cover the surviving policyholder (though the names on the policy will need to be updated).

A useful book of exercises for memory loss and dementia
amazon.co.uk

Pension Credit. The rules are a bit complex but if your elderly relative has some sort of disability (in this case dementia/Alzheimer's) and go into a home, they may be able to claim pension credit. So if carers allowance stops, it seems pension credit can start. It can also be backdated.

Fall alarm company, etc.

careium.co.uk
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