Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.

4 lurkers | 140 watchers
1 Aug
4:55pm, 1 Aug 2024
19,454 posts
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Mandymoo
That's a shock Bazo

Lip Gloss I did mums clearing out and took over her finances to etc many years before she died, it was much easier.

Linds, I totally understand what you are saying and how you feel - been there, got the t shirt xxx
1 Aug
5:04pm, 1 Aug 2024
69,101 posts
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LindsD
Thank you heart
1 Aug
6:06pm, 1 Aug 2024
76,903 posts
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Lip Gloss
Think things would have easier if we had stayed closer or if he had been less stroppy and arrogant and had signed power of attorney when it gad been suggested. Hey ho too late now and things are taking so long to sign off
1 Aug
6:28pm, 1 Aug 2024
7,288 posts
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Little Miss Happy
You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about Linds. I find the concept that we have to like people because we are related to them a difficult one - but I know I'm a bit strange.

I hope it isn't too stressful or upsetting LG.

I keep very little - but there isn't going to be anyone to go through it anyway.
1 Aug
6:29pm, 1 Aug 2024
7,289 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Baz - it might be because of the amount of morphine?
1 Aug
6:40pm, 1 Aug 2024
6,040 posts
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Ally-C
Little Miss Happy wrote:You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about Linds. I find the concept that we have to like people because we are related to them a difficult one - but I know I'm a bit strange. I hope it isn't too stressful or upsetting LG. I keep very little - but there isn't going to be anyone to go through it anyway.


I never had much of a relationship with my now deceased father, my mother is as mad as a hatter &
I don’t particularly like my only sibling 😃
1 Aug
7:07pm, 1 Aug 2024
69,102 posts
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LindsD
Thank you all. Mum and I used to be very close, but I see now that it wasn't a very healthy relationship and also she's really not the same now and neither am I
1 Aug
7:40pm, 1 Aug 2024
23,592 posts
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geordiegirl
sorry I didnt read too far back before Linds, I too get where you're coming from. I do love my mum but I prefer to spend time with my dad or in-laws, my mam can be very demanding and judgy and it is wearing. I can't have many two way adult conversations with her, she has to have an answer and it has to be different to mine its like she's in a competition with me. Others don't see it as she's a different person with them than me. I get accused of snapping or shouting and told I wouldn't behave like that with other people. I have had friends or OH with me when she's kicked off and they've assured me I didn't do what she accused me of.

I do have some good times with her but I'm always on edge and that maybe doesn't help the dynamics. With their diamond anniversary she's been on good form when she hasn't been demanding of me and my time. I put a lot of future guilt on myself in that one day she won't be here and I'll regret xxx but I am slowly learning that its not healthy to live like this.

Your last post said it well. We have to give ourselves permission to accept that yes it is our mum's but that doesn't mean the relationship can't be difficult
4 Aug
12:41pm, 4 Aug 2024
27,146 posts
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Bazoaxe
We arrived back in the very early hours of this morning and off shortly to go and visit MiL and see how she is.

The latest from BiL was she was waiting for a place to become free to be moved. Her care needs are too complex to return home and thats something he already said he wouldn’t agree to even if it was possible.

We don’t believe MiL knows any detail of what their conclusions are. We already have one friend who left a message asking how she is.

The difference in her reported condition compared with the last time we saw her two weeks ago or our son saw her just over a week ago are quite hard to get our heads around.
4 Aug
2:06pm, 4 Aug 2024
19,474 posts
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Mandymoo
Hope the visit goes well Baz

About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD
I thought I'd start a thread, as lots of us have elderly folks that we worry about/care for.

Useful info for after someone dies here (with thanks to grast_girl)
moneysavingexpert.com

Other useful links

myageingparent.com

moneysavingexpert.com

Who pays for residential care? Information here:

ageuk.org.uk

Advice on care homes and payment/funding

theguardian.com

Also: After someone dies, if their home insurance was only in their name, sadly the cover becomes void. But if the policy was in joint names, it will still cover the surviving policyholder (though the names on the policy will need to be updated).

A useful book of exercises for memory loss and dementia
amazon.co.uk

Pension Credit. The rules are a bit complex but if your elderly relative has some sort of disability (in this case dementia/Alzheimer's) and go into a home, they may be able to claim pension credit. So if carers allowance stops, it seems pension credit can start. It can also be backdated.

Fall alarm company, etc.

careium.co.uk

Useful Links

FE accepts no responsibility for external links. Or anything, really.

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