Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.

5 lurkers | 140 watchers
13 Mar
2:05pm, 13 Mar 2024
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Diogenes
That reminds me, I must complete ours. I started the process when we did our wills, but never finished it.
13 Mar
4:05pm, 13 Mar 2024
7,011 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Linds - I think it's the 'learned helplessness'. No practical reason they can't do it just a decision they've taken and the more they 'get away' with it the less they want to do for themselves. I had it with MiL during the pandemic.

On the subject of reluctance to set up PoA's or write a will I think that reframing it can sometimes help. FiL was very resistant initially but when we put it to him that it would mean that his family didn't get to fall out by trying to guess what he would have wanted but could instead all be sure that they were following his wishes this would be much better for them. I also used the organ donor line - it's not that anyone thinks it's imminent but we'd like to know what it is that you would want doing should it happen.
13 Mar
4:09pm, 13 Mar 2024
67,137 posts
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LindsD
I think you are right.
13 Mar
4:09pm, 13 Mar 2024
67,138 posts
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LindsD
Anyhow she spoke to the hospital and they won't even triage the request until Friday so she's going to go away and ask her neighbour to watch her post. Hopefully the appointment will be when I'm in the US and my sister is visiting her.
13 Mar
4:57pm, 13 Mar 2024
7,012 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Fingers crossed Linds. :-)
13 Mar
5:05pm, 13 Mar 2024
67,140 posts
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LindsD
:) Oh yes. That would be bloody ideal.
13 Mar
6:40pm, 13 Mar 2024
12,480 posts
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leaguefreak
Fingers crossed Linds.

My father in law won't be pressed on PoA. I think he genuinely doesn't believe the institutions wouldn't let his wife access his assets simply because she's his wife.
jda
13 Mar
7:05pm, 13 Mar 2024
16,684 posts
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jda
FiL gave us the “oh it will be ok my father didn’t do a PoA and it worked out fine”. Eventually we wore him down but it took a while.

Just as well as it turned out!
13 Mar
8:23pm, 13 Mar 2024
10,913 posts
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Fields
Sending my dads back to him tomorrow, he’s 72 and healthy.

It’s taken a few months to sort out due to reasons so a good job it’s being done in advance of being needed tbh.
15 Mar
8:05pm, 15 Mar 2024
67,188 posts
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LindsD
You have to laugh.

As I said, Mum is going up north tomorrow for a week. She said someone had offered her a lift anywhere she needed it. She has asked to be taken to the hardware store because she needs drain cleaner. Drain cleaner. I said to her: hold on, you are buying drain cleaner in Lancashire for your house in Hampshire?

Yes, she said. I can't get to the shops to buy it here.

She was literally taken to Sainsbury's in the town THIS AFTERNOON

About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD
I thought I'd start a thread, as lots of us have elderly folks that we worry about/care for.

Useful info for after someone dies here (with thanks to grast_girl)
moneysavingexpert.com

Other useful links

myageingparent.com

moneysavingexpert.com

Who pays for residential care? Information here:

ageuk.org.uk

Advice on care homes and payment/funding

theguardian.com

Also: After someone dies, if their home insurance was only in their name, sadly the cover becomes void. But if the policy was in joint names, it will still cover the surviving policyholder (though the names on the policy will need to be updated).

A useful book of exercises for memory loss and dementia
amazon.co.uk

Pension Credit. The rules are a bit complex but if your elderly relative has some sort of disability (in this case dementia/Alzheimer's) and go into a home, they may be able to claim pension credit. So if carers allowance stops, it seems pension credit can start. It can also be backdated.

Fall alarm company, etc.

careium.co.uk

Useful Links

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