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Mar 2024
9:54am, 13 Mar 2024
53,847 posts
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McGoohan
MiL wouldn't go to her own sister's funeral last year because 'I can't leave my husband at home'. Well, we'll have a carer in. 'No, he wouldn't like that'
He would have bloody loved it, to be honest.
She was offered to go visit her other (alive) sister in Cambridge too. Family member to drive her there and back. No, same excuse.
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Mar 2024
9:59am, 13 Mar 2024
16,513 posts
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Alice the Camel
*delurking*
I’ve been following this thread for months but not posted about my dad as GimmeMedals handles the brunt of his issues.
I’ve found the information in the thread useful, interesting and reassuring - a big thank you for sharing your experiences and advice.
I’ve spent the last few days with my dad. MrAtC and I will be executors of his will when the time comes and we have known the financial situation for years (we were executors for my mum when she died nearly 11 years ago). Dad has been well organised. However he is extremely anxious about all sorts of things at the moment, so one of the reasons for visiting was to allow him to go through things with us again. We also discussed funeral wishes and disposal of remains. I think it helped him - and me - to have a frank discussion out in the open.
We are in the process of setting up Power of Attorney “just in case”, I was surprised to see that it could take up to 20 weeks to process once the forms are submitted so my advice would be to get on with it if there’s a chance you may need it!
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Mar 2024
10:06am, 13 Mar 2024
67,132 posts
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LindsD
Hello Alice. We have only just 'resolved' the disposal of my Dad's ashes, and he died in 2017, and they still haven't actually been scattered, it's just that the dispute has been ended (I won't say settled, as basically I just had to back down and it's a painful point). So brilliant to clarify exactly what he wants. Good luck with the POA. We have them set up but were thinking to do them for ourselves.
Thanks, McG. It's really helpful to feel heard and know I'm not alone.
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Mar 2024
10:12am, 13 Mar 2024
53,849 posts
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McGoohan
This thread is a constant reassurance that we are not alone and while the details may differ, a lot of us face the same issues.
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Mar 2024
10:19am, 13 Mar 2024
67,133 posts
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LindsD
Exactly
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Mar 2024
10:19am, 13 Mar 2024
16,515 posts
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Alice the Camel
Hi Linds
One thing that these last few days has clarified for us is that it’s never too early. We’ve had our wills written since 2004, a requirement of MrAtC’s job moving abroad, but we will be setting up POAs for ourselves as soon as we’ve finished organising Dad’s.
It’s been so helpful to read what other folk have been going through with their elderly parents. Some have it far worse than us but it’s been reassuring to hear that what we see happening with Dad is actually not uncommon.
A big thank you to all thread contributors.
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Mar 2024
11:29am, 13 Mar 2024
7,349 posts
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ThorntonRunner
When we realised we really ought to set up poa for mum, I used setting our own up as a precursor to setting hers up. Step through the form carefully and it's pretty straightforward. As mentioned though- it does take a significant time to be registered. Our sons are our attorneys and were comfortable with us setting it up.
MiL has resisted all suggestions that she sets up poa and writes a will, which is a concern. We're hoping that if I say frequently enough how helpful having poa and a will has been in last few weeks with mum and now in managing her estate that that may change her mind. I think it's just that she doesn't like to think about death.
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Mar 2024
11:50am, 13 Mar 2024
7,350 posts
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ThorntonRunner
The fact that I am appointed executor in mum's will means that within 9 days of her death Santander have transferred her account balance to me so I can pay outstanding/ongoing bills without dipping into my own money. For most organisations a photocopy of the will has been sufficient for them to give me control of mum's dealings with them. So far, it's been a lot more straightforward than I thought it might be.
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Mar 2024
11:59am, 13 Mar 2024
16,678 posts
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jda
I’d like to suggest a PoA isn’t really a “just in case” thing, many of us could/will make use of one at some point in our lives even if it’s not quite as universal as a will.
At least in the case of intestacy, the default rules will be reasonable for many people (which is the excuse some people use for not making one). Lack of an attorney would be terrible when it’s really needed.
I was very surprised to hear a local friend, in his 80s at least (probably pushing 90), with a terminally ill wife, who witnessed our PoAs some time ago, was only now getting round to doing his and hers!
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Mar 2024
1:59pm, 13 Mar 2024
67,135 posts
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LindsD
Agree 100%
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The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023