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16 Feb
10:16pm, 16 Feb 2024
66,709 posts
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LindsD
And why did no one help her?
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16 Feb
10:21pm, 16 Feb 2024
74,065 posts
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Lip Gloss
Might be worth a call to vet to see what really happened.
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16 Feb
10:33pm, 16 Feb 2024
53,726 posts
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McGoohan
Sounds very odd. Hope she's okay. And hugs to Lizzie.
We have a big week coming up:
MiL's birthday on Sunday
She goes to the hospital for blood tests on Monday
In for a full hysterectomy on Tuesday (done, I was surprised to see as day surgery)
Six weeks of live-in care then begins
What she doesn't know yet is that the live-in carer (who she knows and likes) has to have time off every day. Two hours. At which point there'll be someone else to cover ... who MiL doesn't yet know.
There is a non-zero chance when she realises this, she may refuse to go into hospital. Her social anxiety and misanthropy are that bad. I'm slightly of the opinion not to tell her in advance - it's going to be a life-saving op. Not my call though, thankfully.
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16 Feb
10:44pm, 16 Feb 2024
74,070 posts
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Lip Gloss
I would be in agreement not to tell her. Hope everything goes well
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16 Feb
10:59pm, 16 Feb 2024
66,711 posts
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LindsD
Agree
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17 Feb
6:18am, 17 Feb 2024
6,935 posts
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Little Miss Happy
I hope your dad is ok Lizzie.
McG - I wouldn't tell her in advance either. Sounds as though the hysterectomy is going to be done as key hole surgery?
EP - I find that whole scenario quite unbelievable. I'd be very surprised if the vets had a mat in at all and would expect everyone to be rushing to help if an elderly client had ended up on the floor.
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17 Feb
6:45am, 17 Feb 2024
16,503 posts
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jda
Odd day yesterday. Started off with a phone call saying FiL had sepsis and though they expected recovery, what was his view of resuscitation? They said that given his age, prostate cancer, kidney disease (neither of which is at all serious AIUI) they would advise against. We were more or less due a visit so went in that afternoon and he seemed much the same as usual though with added oxygen and there were signs on the ward warning of norovirus which may explain what was described to us as bit of diarrhoea and sickness that he had suffered. And also perhaps the same that my wife suffered the day after our previous visit last week (that we’d tentatively blamed on a restaurant that we went to the next day)!
Then after coming home another phone call last night saying they were thinking of taking off his arm brace the next day, which is a few days ahead of schedule. I’d have thought they wouldn’t rush that operation given the additional illness and oxygen, but it was just a voicemail so my wife didn’t have the chance to make that point. We suspect a doctor may have finally got round to looking at the x-ray that was done nearly 2 weeks ago now and realised that he’s healing well.
Or maybe they are determined to put him down and think a good dose of anaesthetic should do the trick!
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17 Feb
6:55am, 17 Feb 2024
6,936 posts
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Little Miss Happy
That sounds very confused jda.
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17 Feb
7:15am, 17 Feb 2024
3,272 posts
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Big_G
Just going back a bit to what LindsD was saying, I feel the same. I do have some responsibility (my personal boundary has, and always will be, I’m not involved with personal care, but I do a lot of other things), and lots of different people look to me for answers, many of which I don’t have. I used to feel pressure to fill the gaps to resolve any issue, but I don’t do that on demand any more. I too get calls asking me to drop everything for any issue, but I don’t do it any more. I think, although I have responsibility of certain things, I have no control over other things, and that is where the stress can come from.
It’s small in the big scheme of things but the amount of times I’ve taken his shopping around (that he’s asked for) and then within minutes he’s asked for something else is unbelievable. I used to walk around to the corner shop to get the extra item, but I’ve stopped doing that now, and get it if he asks for it the next week. He’s got lots of food and essentials so he’s not going to starve - the extra requests are usually for a certain brand of biscuit.
I honestly thought my Dad was a goner last week, but he’s bounced back again. I think every trip to hospital for whatever procedure/recuperation takes a bit more out of him each time, but last week he was looking very, very unwell and frail, and I thought his time was up.
I am feeling a certain amount of guilt for a forthcoming trip I have planned, but I am allowed a holiday. Everything will be in place for when I’m away so I’ll have done everything I can, he’s safe, he’s fed, he’s got his meds, he knows what to do in an emergency, everyone who needs it has the keysafe number. But yet there is still some guilt there.
In my situation, Dad and I have always had a strained relationship anyway. He was frankly very nasty to me as a kid and in my late teens - and his decline has kind of brought that back to me a bit, and honestly I’m resenting him quite a lot. I remember one time he thought I was having sex with men, because I had a small amount of blood in my underwear - I thought he was going to knock my head off my shoulders and I remember the total look of anger and aggression in his face (he didn’t actually hit me, but he had me up against the wall). I was about 14 at the time, and I’d been at the beach all day with friends, came back and put my clothes in the basket, had a shower, and was promptly faced with that, and I didn’t have a clue what he was on about. There are lots of other stories and it’s too late to go over it all with him now, but yeah, things like that impacted what I think of him, and I was glad to leave home for Uni and work. Mum died over 20 years ago and I’ve no other siblings, but if I could walk away I would, but I can’t really, as he’s still my Dad.
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17 Feb
8:10am, 17 Feb 2024
49,434 posts
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HappyG(rrr)
Big G - do you think there's a chance to discuss those feelings with him? I had a distant relationship with my dad. He was quite dismissive and cold. When he was near the end in hospital he still manged to be quite rude to me in front of others. But before he went, just one on one, I got a chance to tell him that I'd just wanted his love and support and we said we loved each other. He died the next day. It helped me a bit that we'd had a few kind words. And just to say, I'm sorry for your experience and everyone who has had a parent that has treated them badly in any way. G
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The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023
