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13 Feb
3:05pm, 13 Feb 2024
66,628 posts
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LindsD
That sounds awful. But glad he's not going anywhere quite yet.
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13 Feb
5:00pm, 13 Feb 2024
6,930 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Any discharge plan should include a visit to his home jda at which point whoever does that should realise that he's in danger of self neglect and make a referral to social services at least, never mind not allowing him to be discharged there.
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13 Feb
6:47pm, 13 Feb 2024
26,350 posts
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Bazoaxe
That sounds tough jda
We had a visit from someone who guides on what support there is for families who care. I asked her about the circumstances in which the authorities might make decisions about being unable to stay at home if the individual doesnt agree. I got the impression it wasnt a quick or easy process
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14 Feb
11:33am, 14 Feb 2024
16,484 posts
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jda
There's been a home visit LMH which is what had alarmed us a bit, but we think it must have been prompted by the police getting in touch about the water leak/overflow and not directly related to any forthcoming discharge. The assessors said that they didn't think the house was necessarily sufficiently hazardous to prevent a return, but the carpet has lifted since then (especially some areas with carpet tiles which now have lots of raised edges) which is an additional problem for someone prone to falls.
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14 Feb
3:25pm, 14 Feb 2024
66,653 posts
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LindsD
Brain dump alert:
Mum's alarm people rang me at 5.40 last night. She's activated the alarm. She has a severe pain at the base of her skull and fears she is having a stroke. Can I attend? Er no - I live 55 miles away and it's rush hour. I say to the woman that she lives in a retirement community and there's meant to be someone there but apparently not after 5pm. I'll call her.
I call my sister, as I know if I call Mum and ask if she wants me to come she will 100% say yes. My sister calls her. Background to this is that I have had a bit of a significant falling-out with my Mum in the last couple of weeks. I am not cutting off contact or sulking, much as I would like to, but I am still hurting from the events, which were around the disposal of my Dad's ashes (yes, he died almost 7 years ago but they are still in my wardrobe...). These feelings of hurt are definitely influencing my decisions, though I've always found it hard to gauge how much support I should/can give her and where my boundaries are.
The alarm lady told me an ambulance had been called but no ETA given.
My sister called her and reported that she was wobbly and in pain but could talk OK. She was taking her bp and it was 160. I packed a bag because I couldn't think of anything else to do. As my sister is talking to her the door goes. It's not the ambulance, it's her old neighbours, who are on the alarm list.
Anyhow, long story short, a doctor calls her a bit later and tells her that it's not the kind of pain you get with a stroke (her Mum had one that ultimately killed her, so her worry is understandable) and that she should follow up with the GP tomorrow.
She called me and told me all the details after the neighbours had left. Apparently she has been feeling nauseous and can't eat for a couple of weeks and she thinks that that caused the increase in tension = pain.
An hour later she's doing the Wordle and posting on our chat. She spoke to the GP today who basically told her that it's probably just her normal neck pain got worse and she should take the drugs she was prescribed, which she won't take because she's worried about side effects.
I'm not sure why I'm posting this here but just wanted to get it out in a way. I've had a long text conversation this morning with her where it's apparent that she has completely misunderstood what the doctor in the pain clinic told her.
Issues for me:
I never know when to drop everything and go. I don't want to regret not going.
I find her world view (disappointed with everyone) sooo wearing. "I thought they were going to send an ambulance but it was only a doctor"
She expects there to be a solution for everything with no side effects and is not prepared to put up with anything for any length of time to see whether it helps but will still moan and moan about how awful she feels (I'm sure she does, I just wish she would help herself).
I'm pissed off with her for making it clear that she doesn't give a shit about my feelings which doesn't make me want to help her.
She goes on and on about being On Her Own even though she is literally surrounded by people and has a fuller social life than I do. When I pointed out she had misunderstood the dr she said "Too much time to overthink things". Her whole refrain is "poor me".
I am conditioned from early childhood to protect her and solve her problems. And I feel she expects that from me.
*repeats* I am only responsible for myself. I am not responsible for anyone else, not even the person who gave me life and not anyone who expects me to fix things for them.
The problem is that if I was to follow that reasoning to its logical conclusion I would not see her again, and I think I would regret that. But seeing her/dealing with her is always unpleasant and sometimes downright injurious to my mental health.
No input necessary; thanks for listening.
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14 Feb
3:41pm, 14 Feb 2024
53,715 posts
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McGoohan
I hear your pain Linds. I hope it helps to share it here. I always find it a consolation in some small way that a lot of folk on this thread will encounter similar things with their elderly relatives just in slightly different ways.
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14 Feb
4:10pm, 14 Feb 2024
66,657 posts
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LindsD
Thank you. That helps. It helped to write it down too.
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14 Feb
4:39pm, 14 Feb 2024
2,629 posts
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CK2
I’m listening Linds. It’s good that it helps to write it down. I find that too.
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14 Feb
4:53pm, 14 Feb 2024
74,018 posts
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Lip Gloss
Always here to listen xx
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14 Feb
5:20pm, 14 Feb 2024
18,358 posts
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Mandymoo
Always here to listen Linds. Xxx
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The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023
