Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.

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jda
26 Jan
1:18pm, 26 Jan 2024
16,321 posts
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jda
Complex discharge team wants to take a look at FiL's house, possibly related to a report of water pouring out of the roof that came to us via both hospital and police. I went round yesterday to switch off the water, there's been a long-term problem of a faulty stop-cock on the water tank (and/or other problems) which has presumably got stuck now and as well as the overflow pouring out the front, water was also coming through the bathroom ceiling. There's already rainwater coming through the leaky roof in various other places of course, so we aren't particularly worried about flood damage but being unable to use mains water could be a bit of a bore.

No idea if they actually think his discharge is imminent, or whether it's just a box that needs ticking (more hopefully, crossing out). Planning to go and see him tomorrow now that our covid has passed. Last we heard from them he was asking after his wife who died 18 years ago...
26 Jan
4:16pm, 26 Jan 2024
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Bazoaxe
Sounds challenging jda and is a situation where they need to make some tough decisions

Hopefully they don’t leave it to the family or worse send him home.

Update from us is that after the lift issue we had on Christmas Day a significant quote has been obtained from factors. We for know how the residents feel but BiL just wants maintenance not full fix.

We have only found it broken once but we believe it’s regular. Mil is on second floor and without the lift there is no way we can get her out if required.
jda
26 Jan
5:13pm, 26 Jan 2024
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jda
Yeah it's a bit stressful just not knowing where we stand and what their plans - if any - are. In principle it's between them and him unless they state clearly that they don't think he has the capacity to make decisions. We're definitely somewhere in that neighbourhood.

Also, rather oddly, the person from the discharge team said they didn't think a care home would be able to cope with the demands of his arm brace. Well if a care home can't cope, how exactly is he suppose to cope by himself at home whether or not there are a few visits a day? It doesn't really seem to add up and feels like we are only ever getting scraps of (often misleading) info.

We suspect there isn't really a plan as such, they are just ticking a box on the to-do list.
26 Jan
5:20pm, 26 Jan 2024
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Little Miss Happy
If it's gone to the complex discharge team it at least means that someone has identified that he can't just be discharged home jda. He may need a nursing home rather than a care home - could that be what they meant?

Baz - any chance of a move to a ground floor flat on medical grounds?
jda
26 Jan
5:39pm, 26 Jan 2024
16,324 posts
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jda
Oh yes maybe that's mostly a terminological issue, but also a question of where such capabilities exist. However (having just checked) it seems that the place we referred to as a care home - where he previously stayed for a while, but with no complex needs at that point - also does offer nursing care. Our basic hypothesis is that he'll probably be going straight there from the hospital, and likely never come out again, but that's only a guess at this point. He already surprised us with his powers of recovery last time!
26 Jan
5:46pm, 26 Jan 2024
6,886 posts
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Little Miss Happy
There's a difference in the cost and funding jda!
26 Jan
6:22pm, 26 Jan 2024
26,282 posts
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Bazoaxe
lol LMH. We couldn’t even rearrange her bedroom far less a new flat.
27 Jan
6:54pm, 27 Jan 2024
26,288 posts
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Bazoaxe
Not connected to MiL really but she has pretty bad water damage from flat above. Guy wasnt in but has phoned and said it’s not him. Pretty sure it must be a pipe under his floorboards. He is checking with the other flat opposite him, but I can’t see its that one

Seems if its not him, they want us to get a plumber but its coming from the ceiling and so will need to be in his flat.

Oh and the lift was broken again, when I went to chap the door about the leak the maintenance gut was fixing it. We have been told a new list required at a cost of £60k spread across 11 flats. BiL doesnt want to pay and just wants it maintained when it breaks. I guess it will go to a stair vote.

MiL herself was fine but knows she is confused at times. Wants to go back to the dentist and also has added 2+2 on a few other things and come to the conclusion the answer definitely isnt 4.
28 Jan
4:48pm, 28 Jan 2024
3,958 posts
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decorum
Aged Parent has been >fun<. He continues to use the 'my memory is too poor to remember, you'll have to do/deal with it!', right up to the point where he's absolutely adamant that he remembers >this<* exactly .... which is humongous fun as five minutes later he ofte can't remember the conversation.

* This morning's >this< was the remake of the Dad's Army film. He's adamant that they've made a remake of the remake ... he remembered CZJ/D played the spy in the first remake and was rather surprised that she seemed to be playing the same role again ~ and he has some additional cognition of the re-remake having the same main cast playing the same roles ... oddly, he didn't think it was a follow on movie ~ which would have made sense to me.

Oddly, he originally hated the remake, with a raging passion, as it felt 'wrong', to him. But he was chortling along with the supposedly >re-remake<. It takes all kinds, I guess! 😆

AND, because of stuff, he has to do his tax return each year ~ and, once again, he's insisting on doing it himself* and he keeps insisting that tax returns are submitted for the start of April, not the end of January ...

* We've been suggesting he pays an accountant. He doesn't want to pay (or get robbed by shysters 🙄 ) ~ and although we've offered to help with the inputting [his main issue] of figures.
28 Jan
4:49pm, 28 Jan 2024
3,959 posts
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decorum
[Ooh, muchos long job. My apologies!]

About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD
I thought I'd start a thread, as lots of us have elderly folks that we worry about/care for.

Useful info for after someone dies here (with thanks to grast_girl)
moneysavingexpert.com

Other useful links

myageingparent.com

moneysavingexpert.com

Who pays for residential care? Information here:

ageuk.org.uk

Advice on care homes and payment/funding

theguardian.com

Also: After someone dies, if their home insurance was only in their name, sadly the cover becomes void. But if the policy was in joint names, it will still cover the surviving policyholder (though the names on the policy will need to be updated).

A useful book of exercises for memory loss and dementia
amazon.co.uk

Pension Credit. The rules are a bit complex but if your elderly relative has some sort of disability (in this case dementia/Alzheimer's) and go into a home, they may be able to claim pension credit. So if carers allowance stops, it seems pension credit can start. It can also be backdated.

Fall alarm company, etc.

careium.co.uk

Useful Links

FE accepts no responsibility for external links. Or anything, really.

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