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Oct 2023
5:15pm, 19 Oct 2023
6,704 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Fortunately my husband isn't keen to see his dad lying dead in a coffin despite not having been with him when he died.
I am already dreading Xmas. 
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Oct 2023
5:16pm, 19 Oct 2023
64,589 posts
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LindsD
That's good.
I don't blame you. First Christmas is always tricky.
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Oct 2023
5:52pm, 19 Oct 2023
71,770 posts
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Lip Gloss
I feel your pain Linds. MiL seems to be applying pressure on us to go and see FiL in the funeral home on Friday. I do not understand why she would think we should do that. I also do not understand why BiL and nSiL are travelling down to do so when they were actually with him? Is this a being seen to do the right thing thing? Thinking it's expected (if so, by who)? I really don't get it. I would not want that to be the last memory of him that I had.
I never went to see my mum either. The rest did but I couldn’t think of anything worse than to make that my last memory of her. I did go into hospital 2 hours after she died as she was still in her bed and looked asleep.
surely it’s a personal decision.
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Oct 2023
6:22pm, 19 Oct 2023
12,323 posts
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PaulaMc
Is it a cultural thing? C had to go to Ireland for a family funeral recently and the body was in the house for 2 nights before the funeral. To me, someone who is a horror fan and not easily spooked, this is beyond creepy and not something I would ever be part of but for them it’s just the done thing. I’ve made it quite clear that I won’t ever be viewing anyone like this, not his family and not him, and that I don’t want this either.
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Oct 2023
6:22pm, 19 Oct 2023
31,798 posts
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macca 53
MiL wanted to go and see FiL in the chapel of rest before the funeral so I took her (and Mrs macca obvs). It wasn’t a pleasant experience
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Oct 2023
6:29pm, 19 Oct 2023
64,593 posts
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LindsD
Definitely in the Irish culture for sure, as you say, Paula.
Dad told us not to come to see him. We wouldn't have anyhow. We sat with him after he died but I even found that weird. My sis and Mum were eating their breakfast. I still find that weird.
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Oct 2023
6:50pm, 19 Oct 2023
15,643 posts
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jda
I’m relieved that my family has never had this looking at dead bodies habit.
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Oct 2023
6:57pm, 19 Oct 2023
71,772 posts
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Lip Gloss
Paula, one of my friend’s mum has always said she wants to be taken home rather than a rest room. Not for me.
I’ve never been to see anyone but my son went to see one their chums a couple of years ago and said he was glad he did as he took comfort from the fact that he no longer looked in pain.
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Oct 2023
7:06pm, 19 Oct 2023
47,947 posts
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EvilPixie
I was there just after dad took his last breath
I had to ask the nurse if he had gone as I didn’t know
I went down Thursday afternoon and he passed Friday lunch. I never saw him conscious and saw/heard him breathing slow and get more shallow
I’d popped home to check mum’s cats as he was expected to last longer.
The nurse called me as I got back to the hospital car park. It was a small hospital and I was by his side literally in 2-3 mins but was too late. I have no idea if he knew I was there in those last hours
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Oct 2023
9:43pm, 19 Oct 2023
2,338 posts
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CK2
I hope you can resist the pressure LMH. I was fortunate in that I was offered to see dad’s body but discouraged from doing so. My mum and brother, who were there when he died, were clear it wasn’t him anymore.
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