Autism

2 lurkers | 90 watchers

halfpint Mar 2023 11:53am, 16 Mar 2023 39,234 posts	0 halfpint I realised this week that my ‘being a chameleon’ in a social context has become a bit of a superpower in work. I need to build relationships and develop trust quickly and being able to find commonality and adapt to the person I’m communicating with means I’m pretty good at it. It’s pretty exhausting though.
Fragile Do Not Bend Mar 2023 12:02pm, 16 Mar 2023 10,842 posts	0 Fragile Do Not Bend I can relate to that. I spent about about 30 years working in various customer service roles and “work me” was a very different person to “not at work me”. I was just playing a role at work. I found it got less exhausting and easier to slip into that role with years of practice.
Fragile Do Not Bend Mar 2023 12:02pm, 16 Mar 2023 10,843 posts	0 Fragile Do Not Bend (20 years not 30)
fuzzyduck79 Mar 2023 12:33pm, 16 Mar 2023 1,691 posts	0 fuzzyduck79 I can understand why jelly's comment might cause offence. But I don't think it was intended to. Saying things the "wrong way" is just another thing autistic people can do I've done it many times and occasionally offended other autistic people, but most examples I perseverate over come from primary school. When I was about ten I had to write 250 words as punishment for something and included a line about a computer game which I qualified with "obviously you wouldn't know much about that" and the teacher went mental when I handed it in. We both knew the statement to be 100% accurate, so it was tricky to get my head around their outrage. I see exactly the same sort of thoughts from my 8 year old who was recently diagnosed ASD, the difference in his case is he has understanding parents to guide him through this stuff when we are made aware of it.
1step2far Mar 2023 12:33pm, 16 Mar 2023 7,354 posts	0 1step2far I have often been called a chameleon. But think its a basic social construct. With me the idea of professionalism expects me to behave in a way at work that is different from how I am at other times. I'll be different things to different friends depending how comfortable I am with them and how well I can read the situation. I find nothing wrong with Jellys comment. I do find using abusive language against someone who has lived experienced of their disability different to others incredibly sad.
fuzzyduck79 Mar 2023 12:41pm, 16 Mar 2023 1,692 posts	0 fuzzyduck79 Obviously my mention of saying something the "wrong way" might offend jelly and others, while possibly the quotation marks will infuriate RooA as that could be seen as implying her offence is not valid. Anyhoo, the BBC Sounds podcast describes pretty much where we are at with our 8 year old, lining up all the reports to take the LA on at tribunal. They refused to assess our parental application for EHCP, this was overturned on appeal, assessment now done and we're being offered EHCP but mainstream only. The reports which say explicitly that mainstream is not suitable were "lost" when they wrote up their response - not argued against, just ignored and never mentioned, and then the LA claimed they hadn't got them.
1step2far Mar 2023 1:02pm, 16 Mar 2023 7,355 posts	0 1step2far FD you're spot on, I do have a habit of saying things the wrong way but I try so hard not to. Ill avoid string language, not because I dont feel strongly but because it can be taken the wrong way and im never 100% certain ive interpreted things correctly either. So er on side of caution. Can be paralysing sometimes.
1step2far Mar 2023 1:03pm, 16 Mar 2023 7,356 posts	0 1step2far Oh FD, that sounds stressful. I hope you can get them the support they need but why do we make it such a struggle
JK chameleon Mar 2023 1:32pm, 16 Mar 2023 17,515 posts	0 JK chameleon FD you're spot on, I do have a habit of saying things the wrong way but I try so hard not to. This has got me into trouble more times than I care to remember. I am very straightforward and forthright at work - bordering on blunt, but I've tried to soften the edges since being made aware of this. I very much identify with "playing a role" in the workplace - this was easy for me as I was pretty much the top knowledge in my field in my region, so even if people didn't like how I said something, they (generally) respected the content. However, I was recently temporarily promoted to lead my team while my manager heads off for a second baby, and in two short weeks have managed to enrage two team members with what I felt were rather innocuous messages. Learning very quickly that I need to be very careful how I type my emails to certain people so as not to upset them too much... but I've been clear that direct emails is my style and this won't be changing.
fuzzyduck79 Mar 2023 1:49pm, 16 Mar 2023 1,693 posts	0 fuzzyduck79 It's such a ridiculous struggle because there's not enough funding/places for SEN and rather than the government correct that bit many LAs are left deliberately not following the law to restrict access and fail children, although it varies by area. Majority of parents unable to fight the system, only those with all the resources battle through (requires time, money, wits to understand quite a complicated range of specialist reports and how they need to be applied) Virtually every application to assess for EHCP is rejected where we are currently. But the bar to agree to assess is really quite low, and on appeal the vast majority are accepted. The key thing is not everyone knows that you need to appeal at that stage. So knocking nearly all applications back without due consideration is a tactic which eliminates a large chunk of families at the first hurdle, which is deeply unfair. I believe the long term cost to society of not supporting these families/children properly is immense. Some days I wonder how long the laws that are there to protect SEN childrens' rights will exist, as they seem to clash with the underfunding of SEN places.