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Oct 2021
8:57am, 18 Oct 2021
10,400 posts
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Sigh
The woman on the till said "strip down facing me."
By the time I realised she meant by debit card, it was too late.
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Oct 2021
9:00am, 18 Oct 2021
2,659 posts
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JRitchie
“Unexpected item in the packing area”.
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Oct 2021
11:32am, 18 Oct 2021
13,579 posts
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Jock Itch
anus
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Oct 2021
11:33am, 18 Oct 2021
16,378 posts
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MarkyMarkMark (3M)
"Facing me", Jock. Not anus. 
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Oct 2021
11:50am, 18 Oct 2021
63,600 posts
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Diogenes
Like the time I got the wrong idea about flash sales.
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Oct 2021
1:10pm, 18 Oct 2021
7,910 posts
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57.5 Degrees of Pain
Don't volunteer for a flash mob Diogenes...
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Oct 2021
9:20pm, 18 Oct 2021
22,069 posts
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Red Squirrel
I got a bum deal
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Oct 2021
6:54am, 19 Oct 2021
16,388 posts
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MarkyMarkMark (3M)
Your not playing your cards right, RS.
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Oct 2021
7:48am, 19 Oct 2021
10,405 posts
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Sigh
This morning, I accidentally changed the satnav voice to "Male". Now it just says, "It's around here somewhere. Keep driving."
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Oct 2021
6:03pm, 19 Oct 2021
478 posts
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Mountkeen
While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I recalled the time I took my daughter out for her first drink.
Off we went to the local pub just a couple of hundred yards from our home. First drink ordered was a Guinness, which she spat out almost immediately. I conceded that she perhaps didn’t like Guinness, so I finished her drink off.
Next we tried some Stella Artois, and just like the Guinness earlier, a half mouth consumed which was duly spat out. I thought that perhaps lager wasn’t for her, so I duly finished her drink off.
Next we tried some cider, and as before, a little taste which was quickly spat out in disgust. I also finished this drink off for her.
Perhaps my daughter was a spirit drinker instead?
So I ordered several different spirits including vodka, gin, brandy, rum, and whisky. Each drink tasted, each drink spat out, each drink finished by me.
By the time I finally realised that alcohol and my daughter didn’t mix I was so drunk I could hardly push her pram home.
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