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Jul 2019
10:31pm, 23 Jul 2019
14,991 posts
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Bazoaxe
McG. This is a conversation my wife and I have spoken about often. MiL is juts about still able to get by, but its touch and go at times IMO. In fact when she sleeps all day thats actually good as she isnt a danger to herself. I really dont know how it will be handled when the time comes and we will need BiL onside.
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Jul 2019
10:34pm, 23 Jul 2019
40,581 posts
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McGoohan
I suspect what will happen is that we'll all keep muddling through until one of them dies and the decision is then forced. At the moment, they can just about get by with the both of them - though FiL is becoming a bit more of a liability.
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Jul 2019
10:39pm, 23 Jul 2019
26,958 posts
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macca 53
Both my parents went into care and liked (probably not the right word - coped/tolerated maybe closer).
FiL should have been in care for the last year but MiL wouldn’t accept it and he died a depressing death at home. MiL is making some effort to show she can look after herself but I suspect that a conversation of that type will be needed some time in the not too distant future.
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Jul 2019
10:54pm, 23 Jul 2019
18,200 posts
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ChrisHB
My mum went into a residential home which became a care home - it must have been 15 years ago. We supported her choice at the time because she'd fallen three times in a week and her house had stupidly steep staircases and other steps all over it, including in the living room.
MIL - well, when she was at her worst, she still had in her a desire to appear sensible, and an unquestioning trust in her son's opinion. It didn't mean that she didn't spend 8/10 days in respite care phoning us and wanting to be rescued.
If we find the right home ((for McG) Ridgegate is the favoured one atm; Eversfield was the previous one, but the residents all stuck to their rooms all the time) it should provide an end to loneliness. She'll be going there for respite care while we go away for a week in August.
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Jul 2019
12:16am, 24 Jul 2019
29,278 posts
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DocMoye
Respite care is a good introduction. And it was how the subject was introduced with my dad. It's also a way to introduce it as something they are doing to give you a break rather.... So they are "helping" you rather than the other way round.
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Jul 2019
5:29am, 24 Jul 2019
4,843 posts
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jda
Feeling very lucky to have two very sensible and rational parents who (having gone through similar with the previous generation) recognise it as a potentially necessary step. In fact not that long after my father went into care, my mother said it seemed a nice place and she wouldn't mind ending up there if necessary.
F-i-L is likely to be another matter entirely but we'll cross that bridge as and when. Still driving at 88 but nothing lasts for ever...
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Jul 2019
8:35am, 24 Jul 2019
1,518 posts
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Little Miss Happy
MM - I'm glad you were able to have some nice moments with your mum for her birthday.
McG - would supported living rather than a care home be a useful/more acceptable option? I hope that you and Leibling can have a relaxing break.
Baz - you definitely need everyone singing from the same sheet. My BiL made life more difficult than it had to be as he hadn't accepted how bad FiL was.
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Jul 2019
8:48am, 24 Jul 2019
14,992 posts
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Bazoaxe
LMH, that's my fear, although I think his appreciation of the situation has changed in the last year
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Jul 2019
9:27am, 24 Jul 2019
17,423 posts
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Carpathius
We took the cowardly way and didn't really make it clear to MiL that she was moving permanently. It wasn't our decision in the end but social services' as the carers had to call up with issues frequently. We agreed 100%. MiL took some time to settle but she's generally appearing to be quite happy there, barring the odd complaint about another resident or a staff member.
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Jul 2019
9:46am, 24 Jul 2019
40,587 posts
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McGoohan
I hear you LMH and I'm sure you're right. I think it's going to be a long, slow, difficult journey there though.
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The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023