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Jun 2017
10:46am, 13 Jun 2017
1,876 posts
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westmoors
Grandfather, 95. Very frail, needs frame to get around. Hard of hearing but doesn't like to wear his hearing aid as it gives him tinnitus. Leukaemia. Still has a wicked sense of humour.
Grandmother, 94. Has had memory problems for a number of years but no formal dementia diagnosis. Suddenly become frail in the last year.
They have been married for 74 years and still live in their own home. They realised several years ago that maintaining the garden was too much for them and employed a gardener. A couple of years ago the family managed to convince them to get a cleaner too. Gran would dust and hoover before the cleaner arrived because she "didn't want them to think they were dirty!" Eventually convinced her to stop.
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Jun 2017
10:52am, 13 Jun 2017
11,613 posts
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Sharkie
You all have my sympathy and best hopes. I'm out the other side - my Dad died age 47 so was never an issue, Mum spent her last four of five years in a care home, having developed increasingly serious dementia over her final decade. I vowed she would always be in her own home - she never held me to that and I should have realised it might be an empty promise.
The first piece of advice I'd give is if you have siblings make peace with them now! It is often much harder for only children (sorry). Good understanding and communication between siblings is vital.
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Jun 2017
10:54am, 13 Jun 2017
9,850 posts
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D2
mum 94 at the other end of the country from me; the only relative, lives in supported housing.
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Jun 2017
10:54am, 13 Jun 2017
11,614 posts
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Sharkie
I was lucky in that Mum - who lived alone in Manchester, miles from me in London and our kid with his family in Morecambe, had GREAT neighbours, and that the Alzheimers didn't really take hold 'til her mid to late 80s. She was 93 when she died.
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Jun 2017
11:04am, 13 Jun 2017
7,758 posts
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lammo
Having lost my last set of grandparents in the last couple of years, makes me see my parents differently. Grandparents were 94 and 95 when they died and had been moved into a care home for their last year or so. They were Dads parents.
Dad - 74 had three brain hemorrhages, so is lucky to still be here, and given that not too bad, eyesite not great, and has an issue with depth perception and spatial awareness, can't drive so not great going out on his own.
Mum - 72 seems fine, thankfully, fit, active, all the marbles, though i know the weight of Dads dependence is a bit of a strain at times. Not great genes, neither of her parents made it to 80.
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Jun 2017
11:08am, 13 Jun 2017
8,958 posts
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Rosehip
Dad - just turned 80, has Parkinson's on top of the CMT he's lived with since his early 30s. Brush with prostate cancer seems to have been won. Was coping really well until last couple of years, parkinson's physical symptoms still coped with remarkably well, but he's developing parkinson's dementia now and is hard work.
Mum scared us all a couple of years ago by reacting badly to a heart op and now has a pacemaker. She's always been the fit and energetic one and is frustrated that she can't march about the hills with me any more. Sister lives closer than I do, but isn't that helpful apart from being a taxi. Brother is in Aus.
Last time brother was here he got very drunk, he and dad had exactly the same conversation 3 times at dinner without either of them realising (rest of family in stitches, you have to laugh sometimes.....)
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Jun 2017
11:26am, 13 Jun 2017
7,759 posts
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lammo
Ah yes, i live about 10 miles away, my sister about 2.
Also dad had a brush with prostate cancer a few years ago, but it seems the treatment has worked.
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Jun 2017
11:36am, 13 Jun 2017
26,761 posts
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HappyG(rrr)
What is the money situation? My mum doesn't need care at home or to go into a home yet, but when she does, do I pay it for her? She has state pension, very small (like 100 quid a month?) personal pension top up and doesn't own her house (my sis and I bought her council house about 8 years ago - I know, I know, betrayal of my social housing principles, but it was an awfully good deal!). Care homes are, what 2-3000 quid a month? That would be really tough for me to pay. I would do it, of course, but how does it work?
Is it different in Scotland to England?
Anyway, we are actively considering moving her in with us in next year or two, or as and when she looks likes she needs daily help. At the moment, she's a very sprightly 80, but she's had a few wobbles recently and we're just trying to prepare and plan.
Thanks, G
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Jun 2017
11:47am, 13 Jun 2017
7,761 posts
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lammo
Happy, In England if you have any money over 23k you have to pay for it yourself, including the value of your house.
Otherwise it is paid for by the state, and to an extent the choice of places is obviously very limited.
My grandparents were paying 5k a month each !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Jun 2017
12:13pm, 13 Jun 2017
1,877 posts
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westmoors
I'm about a 35 min drive from my grandparents. There are other rellies closer.
Its funny what we each consider as elderly. My parents are 73 and 71 but I don't consider them old. They still play golf 2 or 3 times a week. Have property in Spain where they must spend about half the year, although never more than 7 weeks at a time. The only real health issues they have is mum's arthritis in her hands.
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The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023