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Hanneke Mar 2018 7:51pm, 2 Mar 2018 69,871 posts	0 Hanneke Thanks all... I haven't contacted him yet, was going to leave it, but one of my friends, who lives in the village, has said we are going, as soon as the snow goes and we can get there safely. She is coming with me, to diffuse any nasty situations that might arise. Also, another friend did remind me of the fact that the exact same thing happened to her, when she was dating her husband... He disappeared, for a week, and she had given up on him. Transpired he had broken his shoulder falling off his bike and was in hospital with a dead phone and no charger... Mind, he didn't sneak out in the early hours of the morning...
Red Squirrel Mar 2018 8:10pm, 2 Mar 2018 20,632 posts	0 Red Squirrel Good. I hope you're OK too Hann after the disappointment.
Hanneke Mar 2018 9:40pm, 2 Mar 2018 69,872 posts	0 Hanneke I have very mixed feelings about it all RS.
Hanneke Mar 2018 1:44pm, 3 Mar 2018 69,873 posts	0 Hanneke WTAF? Received this this morning: ''Dear Hanneke, I'm not quite sure how we have arrived at where we are at, but I wish to remain good friends if you feel this could work? I have been feeling sick worrying about you and your plants in this weather and hope the heaters in the cold frames are maintaining enough warmth .... xxx'' He knows exactly how we have arrived where we are at! And my radio silence, i.e. not contacting him first, was obviously the right thing to do! I will be mailing back at some point saying something along the lines of: ''don't ask me, you are the one who brought us at this point, ask yourself. But the fact that you are a manipulative bitch who uses psychopathic techniques like gaslighting and sexualising ALL relationships/friendships of their partner and picks non existing issues as fights to manipulate and control your partner and me not being susceptible to that may have something to do with it. The way you sneaked out in the dead of night on Sunday is cowardly and immature. You don't need a friend/girlfriend, you need a counsellor. I am in no position nor do I have the inclination to provide you with these services. I will be in contact as soon as the roads are viable again, to arrange to pick up my furniture and cooker from yours. Please have it ready downstairs. Hanneke''
Steady Edina Mar 2018 6:08pm, 3 Mar 2018 17,470 posts	0 Steady Edina Hann I would drop everything but the last paragraph what would it achieve to alienate him now? It certainly would not help you get your stuff back.
Hanneke Mar 2018 6:41pm, 3 Mar 2018 69,874 posts	0 Hanneke You have a point Eddie... I want to say it, but, the more I say, the more I am reacting to his controlling behaviour, so keeping communications to an absolute minimum is probably best and will get him more than actually replying. I am going to hold off replying until the snow has gone and I can get safely over the hill to Hay, then send a quick reply saying when I am coming to pick up my stuff. My friend from the village will come with me, sorted.
Steady Edina Mar 2018 6:46pm, 3 Mar 2018 17,471 posts	0 Steady Edina Well you will need to let him know in advance that you are coming otherwise he might be out. There is a certain smug satisfaction in taking the higher ground.........sometimes
Meglet Mar 2018 6:49pm, 3 Mar 2018 19,118 posts	0 Meglet Intend to agree with Eddie. He won’t listen to what you say, he won’t change his opinion of you, keep it low key and non-confrontational. It’s hard because you probably want to say those things, it will make you feel better temporarily, but it won’t achieve anything.
halfpint Mar 2018 6:59pm, 3 Mar 2018 25,279 posts	0 halfpint Agree with others. Keep it to a minimum. It isn't a relationship you need to repair and you will gain nothing from venting. Communicate only what you need to get your belongings back.
Maz Heeps Mar 2018 7:15pm, 3 Mar 2018 9,326 posts	0 Maz Heeps I agree FWIW. Would serve no purpose to tell him how you feel I bet even writing that down for us was quite cathartic though x