Good to hear from you jjf. I ran with you when we supported Eddie Izzard from Nottingham to Leocester a good few years ago. He interviewed you re being trans. Little did I imagine then that a few years later my youngest would be trans
That's a lovely welcome, thank you. Nice to see you all again. Except SarahWoo cos I see ere often.
ThorntonRunner, I remember that run. It's what inspired me to do some marathons! Trans is something that sneaks up on us until we suddenly understand who we are.
The good news is that after transition you can mostly gradually stop worrying about it and get on with being yourself. It doesn't solve all your problems but it does let you get on with addressing them.
My son's friend (both age 17) has just shared that they identify as male. I met his parents at antenatal classes and we are still good friends. The kids have grown up together and were best of friends until we moved away 5 years ago. QP (son) was a bit shell shocked but I think handled the text exchange well. I just wondered from those of you who are trans if there was anything you wished that friends/family did or didn't do when you came out (if that's the right expression). Apart from the obvious of using their chosen name and pronouns. I appreciate it will be quite personal but any insight would be helpful.
The did and didn't do question is a difficult one. I didn't want the whole extended family pressuring e with questions when I came out and transitioned. With hindsight it would have been better to have let them get it out of their system.
The biggest thing for me was acceptance - the transitioning person is still themselves. Change is slow and we are still ourselves although some character change is inevitable as we stop struggling with who we are and trying to meet unrealistic expectations.
Most people who knew me before and who are still in my life say that they like me better now. This includes my children.
Be open minded, try to get the right name and pronouns, be loving and be patient. Hang on to the things you like about the person when other things are changing. It's the same as for teenagers and divorcing friends and it's usually worth it.
A thread about how we can encourage and include people in whatever exercise they are interested in and removing barriers to participation.
Glossary -------------------- Amendments/Corrections/Requests just ask for a sidebar edit. This is NOT comprehensive, just some helpful shorthand. ---------------------
Gender Identity ≠ Gender Expression ≠ Anatomical Sex ≠ Sexual Orientation
Anatomical sex = The physical aspects that make you fit into a category based on genitals, chromosomes etc i.e. Intersex, Female, Male... Gender identity = The internal view of gender, the way you see yourself. Gender expression = The way you present to others externally through clothing, behaviours, language and other social signals.
Sexual orientation = Who you are attracted to.
None of the above are dependent on any of the others, individuals may relate one to another in their specific case, but assuming what one might be based on observation of another is not a sound basis for determination.
Transgender (Trans) = When your gender identity does not match your identity assigned at birth based on anatomical sex. Cisgender (Cis) = When your gender identity matches your identity assigned at birth based on anatomical sex. Non Binary (Enby) = When your gender identity doesn't fall into either of the female/male choice. It may exist somewhere on the spectrum between woman and man, either stable of fluctuating between woman-ness and man-ness. This may encapsulate those that may use terms such as genderfluid, agender, demigender et al.
Pronouns = she/her, him/his, them/they etc... How to refer best to someone else. Really simply, follow their lead. Ask if unsure, be polite. If corrected, it's not a problem unless you repeatedly ignore correction.
Transition = The process somebody goes through to alter their physical attributes to better match their gender identity and expression.
Dysphoria = The distress a person feels due to a mismatch between their gender identity and their sex assigned at birth. Can fluctuate and be experienced at varying degrees. Dysmorphia = Discomfort with the shape/form of the body. Present in eating disorders and the like, but can often effect transgender people, with triggers such as body hair presence/absence, chest/genital presentation etc. Deadname - The name a person is assigned at birth, that they no longer use.
Triggers = Things that are known to cause an effect. Typically, X causes a person to experience dysphoria/dysmorphia. Sometimes these can be managed/avoided, other times they are inevitable.
Acronyms: amab = assigned male at birth (originally born anatomically male)
afab = assigned female at birth (originally born anatomically female)
ftm = female to male transitioner mtf = male to female transitioner egg = state of somebody before becoming aware they were transgender i.e. "their egg cracked when they realised and began to emerge" GIC/GIS = Gender Identity Clinic/Service, providing transition services GRS = Gender Reassignment Surgery
General notes: * Not everyone will be comfortable talking about their situation, depending on where they are. * Not everyone has the language to articulate how they feel, what they want to say. Be patient. * These things are NOT static, what you encounter in a person today may evolve into something else later. * Am I trans/cis/enby etc... Frankly, you tell us. Whatever YOU are comfortable with at the time is what we will adopt. It is YOUR identity. * This language is weird. Yup, and we (CreatureOfTheHill) as a plural system talk strange too, it's OK. We (CreatureOfTheHill) are not "normal", never have been. * Am I weird/abnormal? Possibly, but it has NOTHING to do with being here or being trans/enby or whatever. People just are in general, and that is OK, we love you for your quirkiness.
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Gender identity, please help change
Jun 2021