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Nov 2019
10:47am, 27 Nov 2019
3,348 posts
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Dillthedog
HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL:
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear
paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
😎 Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill inside end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Call fire brigade to retrieve the f------ cat from tree across
the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little b**tard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak filet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect "mutant cat from hell" and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:
1) Wrap it in cheese.
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Nov 2019
12:14pm, 27 Nov 2019
9,878 posts
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Little Nemo
Ha! I used to have to grind up tablets, mix with butter and smear it over the cat's face 
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Nov 2019
12:44pm, 27 Nov 2019
1,028 posts
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Love Lettuce
This is so true. I had to give my cat a course of seven tablets earlier this year. I suspect about half a tablet actually made it into her bloodstream. Most of them were later found as foamy dots on the carpet under the bed. I don't know about her, but I found the experience incredibly traumatic
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Nov 2019
12:58pm, 27 Nov 2019
6,218 posts
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sallykate
I’ve had to give Pablo three pills every day for the last few months and he’ll be on meds for the rest of his life. Vet showed me how to do it; i always get husband to hold cat while I do the pilling and 99% of the time it works well. It’s the only way to get them in reliably, he’s too fussy an eater for them to go crushed in food.
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Nov 2019
2:11pm, 27 Nov 2019
5,120 posts
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Fragile Do Not Bend
I dread ever having to give a pill to Oreo, we would probably jump straight in with step 6.
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Nov 2019
4:07pm, 30 Nov 2019
4,290 posts
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1step2far
We're back on the ear drops. It's not going well. Even with a bribe of dreamies!
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Feb 2020
12:37pm, 9 Feb 2020
4,486 posts
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1step2far
I have a clingy cat. She's pretending the wind is fine and that I need protecting. 🙄
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Feb 2020
12:39pm, 9 Feb 2020
4,487 posts
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1step2far
This was taken the other night... but I'm being given the same look currently.
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Feb 2020
1:20pm, 9 Feb 2020
828 posts
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Captain Malcolm Reynolds
Ha! Ours are doing the same 1S
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Feb 2020
6:57pm, 14 Feb 2020
10,104 posts
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Little Nemo
My cat has torn open extra windows on my gin advent calendar! Maybe she knows it's Friday and that I've had a tough week
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