Meaningless product descriptions

1 lurker | 123 watchers
Apr 2011
9:35pm, 18 Apr 2011
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Minnie Mad
As ChrisHB says, they're not for the likes of thee n' me!
Apr 2011
10:04pm, 18 Apr 2011
656 posts
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Helegant
Thank you for this thread. I've read through from the beginning and have been crying with laughter.

I don't *think* I saw this one quoted, "The secret to apparel is an innovative compound consisting of 13 natural minerals infused into a polyester fibre. The micron sized particles enable light emitted by the body to be absorbed by the Celliant fibres. These fibres then act as a catalyst and recycle this energy back to the body. The body then absorbs this previously unavailable energy, triggering biological functions to increase blood flow and oxygen levels."

sportsshoes.com
Apr 2011
10:12pm, 18 Apr 2011
3,704 posts
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Liliaicha
Nice one Helegant!! That is totally made up *science*!! lol :)
Apr 2011
10:33pm, 18 Apr 2011
5,109 posts
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McGoohan
Here's an easy enough target:

easycrystals.co.uk

Rhodochrosite Crystal Healing Properties
Strong loving stone. Helps with insecure feelings, removes blockages and balances the emotions. Good for disorders associated with the stomach. Treats eye problems, thyroid imbalances and asthma and fights against cancer.
Apr 2011
10:35pm, 18 Apr 2011
5,110 posts
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McGoohan
... however, saying some lump of rock 'fights against cancer' is a pretty evil thing to do. Some (OK, 'gullible') people will put their faith in this crap rather than seek out medical help.
Apr 2011
10:38pm, 18 Apr 2011
5,111 posts
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McGoohan
From the same site:

Selenite Crystal Healing Properties
Otherwise known as Gypsum or Satin Spar. Provides clear mental focus, expanding sensitivity and awareness. Good for the spine and nervous system. Can help to counterbalance poisonous effects, such as from metals used in teeth fillings. Promotes regeneration of the cellular structure assisting in cancer, tumours, age spots and wrinkles.

er... gypsum?? They seem to have missed out that it's also quite useful in the making of plaster of paris
Apr 2011
10:43pm, 18 Apr 2011
10,963 posts
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Johnny Blaze
SKINNY WATER

A low-calorie water, enhanced with a

unique combination of ingredients.
Skinny water contains specially

selected nutrients, which combine the

benefits of hydration with minerals, and

natural fruit extracts.

Thank gawd, I was getting sick of all that polyunsaturated water turning me into a bloater.
Apr 2011
10:45pm, 18 Apr 2011
5,112 posts
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McGoohan
H2O is so fattening. H1O is the way to go. That's a whole H less, and let's face it, hydrogen goes straight to the hips.
Apr 2011
10:47pm, 18 Apr 2011
16,034 posts
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idio
Well McGoohan I like to knock it up a notch to H11. ;)
Apr 2011
10:52pm, 18 Apr 2011
5,113 posts
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McGoohan
This one goes up to eleven!

About This Thread

Maintained by GregP

(header last updated 07/01/24)

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