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16 Jan
6:30pm, 16 Jan 2024
7,636 posts
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1step2far
TR could they up the care level where she is? Grandma was in a similar complex, lots of friends and really mentally sharp. But as she got passed 100 she physically declined a bit but the wardens got her extra carers to help support so she could stay there with her friends.
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16 Jan
6:37pm, 16 Jan 2024
7,637 posts
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1step2far
How do you keep calm with elderly parents.
Dad has his surgery next week with bed booked in ITU post op. Mum and dad have gone in to full on denial. Mum's had some falls and her speech is dreadful she's so stressed.
Last week I got social worker to finally phone... only mum didn't like the tone of their voice so refused to cooperate and the case was closed.
Mum said if she falls again she'll call 111 and they will come rescue her.
I sorted a private carer for them (they could have done with this 6 months ago really) they cancelled them today. Saying they will be fine on their own. I may have lost my temper and told them they were daft and infact insane. 😳I know they're both in pain and scared but I can't keep doing everything. Im taking unpaid leave from work next week and I cant do that long term.
There is also a risk Dad won't survive next week so there's an element where I'm long term planning. 😬
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16 Jan
6:42pm, 16 Jan 2024
7,638 posts
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1step2far
Oh and my own anxiety and overwhelm sky high.
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16 Jan
7:45pm, 16 Jan 2024
53,604 posts
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McGoohan
I sorted a private carer for them (they could have done with this 6 months ago really) they cancelled them today. Saying they will be fine on their own.
I hope 'trouble shared = trouble halved' for you 1s2f or going some way towards it. The bit I quoted from you above, is straight out of my MiL's playbook.
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16 Jan
7:51pm, 16 Jan 2024
66,161 posts
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LindsD
It sounds totally exhausting, even without the emotional aspect
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16 Jan
7:52pm, 16 Jan 2024
66,162 posts
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LindsD
And not surprised you are anxious and overwhelmed
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16 Jan
8:55pm, 16 Jan 2024
7,639 posts
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1step2far
Thanks both. I'm so tired already.
It's so hard when they think they're fine but they really aren't.
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16 Jan
9:04pm, 16 Jan 2024
66,170 posts
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LindsD
Do you think they do? I think you are right that's it's denial born out of fear.
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16 Jan
9:08pm, 16 Jan 2024
26,220 posts
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Bazoaxe
It really is exhausting sometimes.
Last night we had mil at the dentist after she made a fuss about a month ago. Lack of holidays ruled out a daytime appt but we got one for 19:50 last night.
Ok some of our time was down to me squeezing a three mile run in, but we got mil there 20 mins early, were seen 10 mins early but there for a while. Good news is her mouth is not a cause for concern. It was probably half eight by the time we were back and we still had our tea to get.
However we have been in discussion for some time over rearranging the bedroom to create more space with fewer hazards on the basis that should mil fall, we minimise the risk of hurting herself. At the weekend mil agreed to the change and we spent time getting it ready. As soon as we took mil in I knew she didn’t like it but didn’t have the speed of thought to come up with an objection
So with 30 hours to ponder, she had her reasons ready and started to fuss when we arrived to collect her. This fuss resumed when we got back and ended with a demand to put her room back immediately.
Now I know she is old and change is hard to take to and i suspect dementia played a part. However what was a genuine attempt to make things easier and less of a risk is just not possible.
Good luck to the gp if he thinks he can get her to accept a care home.
Unfortunately the challenges with BiL are again surfacing and that whole saga is probably even more exhausting as he creates issues that don’t need to exist.
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16 Jan
9:09pm, 16 Jan 2024
26,221 posts
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Bazoaxe
Do you think they do? I think you are right that's it's denial born out of fear.
Yeah, I agree with that. And also a belief that if they are left alone it’s easier for everyone else when in fact it’s not
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The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023
