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Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.

1 lurker | 148 watchers
Jul 2021
10:28am, 5 Jul 2021
48,174 posts
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LindsD
That's tough, too, Big_G, but sticking to the rules sounds necessary.
Jul 2021
10:55am, 5 Jul 2021
20,884 posts
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Carpathius
Could anyone here use an electronic pill box for their elderly relative?

You'd have to fill it every couple of weeks, but then it buzzes and flashes when meds are due and the person tips the pills out, which stops it buzzing.

It was very good for my MiL for a while, as it stopped her taking random pills from her pharmacy box and also helped her not to forget.
Jul 2021
11:31am, 5 Jul 2021
20,247 posts
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Bazoaxe
Carp - may be an option, but for MiL as she has carers 4 times a day they take care of medication - as long as BiL has delivered it. He still hasnt responded to my text :-(

To be honest MiL has always struggled with technology and recently has even been struggling with the TV so it may not work.

The being depressed thing is tough as she is already concerned we do too much and with Mrs Axe returning to work she was yesterday trying to get us to reduce our visits. She did agree though to go out for coffee and cake next saturday which is unusual although I think she expects to be walking there which isnt going to be possible
Jul 2021
1:49pm, 5 Jul 2021
4,695 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Baz - has she always been so paranoid? Have you discussed her low mood with her GP? It could well be that an antidepressant might help.

Big_G - I think your dad probably has to go home and find out for himself what his life is really like before he could realistically consider a care home. Once he is home a respite stay might be a good idea to let him 'suck it and see'. Having more control in the decision might help him too.
Jul 2021
2:06pm, 5 Jul 2021
20,258 posts
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Bazoaxe
LMH - to an extent yes she has always been paranoid and particularly so since all this started. I could list half a dozen things that bother her. Lodgers in other flats that are not allowed, Mice, night time intruders*, carers sneaking in for showers, her financial adviser anywhere between selling good stock she wanted to hold to stealing her money....

This has been raised with GP and I think there is some anti depressant in her blister pack. Whether or not she has that though I dont know as BiL has blanked me.

* This was in the early days and we had the police out but they quickly dismissed it as not having happened
Jul 2021
2:16pm, 5 Jul 2021
20,260 posts
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Bazoaxe
I think to be honest she is lonely. OK, she sees carers 4 times daily, but thats not what she needs. We go every Sunday and Mrs Axe is there on a Saturday to let the cleaner in. Plus also maybe one ad hoc other visit. The carers want us to take her out but she will refuse to go in a wheelchair and hasnt the ability to walk anywhere.

Problem though is that her friends rarely get in touch, mostly because her hearing is so bad a phone conversation is difficult and there is no guarantee of her being awake/hearing the buzzer to let people in. BiL also spends as little time there as he can and she doesnt understand why.
Jul 2021
6:13pm, 5 Jul 2021
989 posts
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Big_G
LMH, he doesn’t know this yet, but if tomorrow he says he wants to go home, they’re going to test it for 3-4 days in the care home where the staff will only go in 4 times during the day for 3-4 days. Of course, in an emergency they’ll go in (they have a pad setup on the floor so if he sets foot on it, they’ll be alerted), but it’s kind of a test run so he’ll know a bit what it’s like. In fairness, so far the intermediary care team have been very good and we seem to be on the same page, but I’ll know at some point soonish they’ll want to move him on. At the moment though I do feel they’re understanding of the issues and my concerns.

I’m in real danger of being ‘blamed’ by him for his predicament, but deep down I do know this situation isn’t my fault.
Jul 2021
8:06pm, 5 Jul 2021
20,270 posts
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Bazoaxe
BiL replied to my text from 08:24 today shortly after 5pm. He has been away all weekend and only just saw my text. The medication hadnt been delivered to him when he left on Friday.

Ive had a tearful MiL on the phone saying her medication has been a shambles.

Seems like BiL isnt home for another half hour or so. The chemists have assured us the medication was delivered to BiL on Friday.

I cant quite recall when the blister pack starts/finishes but it could be the last one is Monday lunchtime with the new pack starting Monday teatime.
Jul 2021
9:39pm, 5 Jul 2021
48,192 posts
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LindsD
How frustrating Baz
Jul 2021
6:08am, 6 Jul 2021
4,699 posts
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Little Miss Happy
That sounds like a good plan Big_G. Of course it isn't your fault. If you feel he's doing that can you challenge him and ask him what it is he thinks you've done wrong and should have done differently?

It's so unfair when everything falls on one family member Baz. We have a similar situation here though fortunately the need is currently low. I hope Mrs Baz found her return to work less stressful than she was anticipating.

About This Thread

Maintained by LindsD
I thought I'd start a thread, as lots of us have elderly folks that we worry about/care for.

Useful info for after someone dies here (with thanks to grast_girl)
moneysavingexpert.com

Other useful links

myageingparent.com

moneysavingexpert.com

Who pays for residential care? Information here:

ageuk.org.uk

Advice on care homes and payment/funding

theguardian.com

Also: After someone dies, if their home insurance was only in their name, sadly the cover becomes void. But if the policy was in joint names, it will still cover the surviving policyholder (though the names on the policy will need to be updated).

A useful book of exercises for memory loss and dementia
amazon.co.uk

Pension Credit. The rules are a bit complex but if your elderly relative has some sort of disability (in this case dementia/Alzheimer's) and go into a home, they may be able to claim pension credit. So if carers allowance stops, it seems pension credit can start. It can also be backdated.

Fall alarm company, etc.

careium.co.uk
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