|
May 2021
8:23pm, 30 May 2021
4,954 posts
|
ThorntonRunner
Yep - I'll see what I can find out
|
|
Jun 2021
8:51am, 1 Jun 2021
3,744 posts
|
Wombling Plodder (Welsh Womble)
Morning, I have been quietly lurking for some time now and have occasionally posted in the past but always felt that others were going through a worst time than me so not a regular poster.
Today I am very sad as it is my parents wedding anniversary and for the first time in 53 years they will probably not be marking the occasion due to a proper cat fight yesterday.
My Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s about 4 years ago although we suspected it for a couple of years before this. My Dad is visually impaired after losing most of his sight about 20 years ago.
Mum has been deteriorating over time, we have periods of paranoia when she believes my Dad is going to stab her and she hides all the knives.
Mum has now taken to locking herself away in the bedroom as she says that my Dad shouts at her, but in the next breathe she tells me that he doesn’t talk to her.
There always seems to be an incident over a bank holiday - the last one my Mum texted everyone to say that she was moving into warden control as the social worker had found her a place to live (not true) and after speaking with the social worker she then advised everyone that the place had gone. This reared it’s head again on Thursday so I was expecting an eventful weekend.
I live 4 hours away so have not been able to check the latest but by all accounts my Dad is meant to have thrown a plastic object at my Mum (something he was trying to fix in the dish washer). The same item was then thrown at my Dad and somehow he ended up with nails gouged in his face as he tried to push my Mum away - obviously she has a different story. By all accounts we are not talking scratches but cuts that have bled.
I suppose I am going to have to phone social services again which gets me no where. Last time I had to file an official complaint after requesting an assessment 5 months earlier. They are very keen to keep my parents together as they are very sweet and my Mum is not ready for a home yet. Although I can’t lay the full blame at the doors of social services as my parents don’t help - Dad doesn’t want help around the house as he is proud and will just get frustrated having to show people where stuff is or they will arrive when he is feeding his guide dog. So we keep repeating the same cycle but each time it moves up a level. I am not sure how much more I can take.
I have seen my grandfather go through this plus 2 uncles, so I know that this is going to get worst but someone needs to listen to me and help.
Sorry about the very long post. I know that lots of you will have experienced similar - any advice much appreciated xx
|
|
Jun 2021
8:55am, 1 Jun 2021
19,903 posts
|
Bazoaxe
OMG, that sounds like a very difficult and very sad situation. Its also one you cannot really influence from afar. I hope you can get something sorted.
|
|
Jun 2021
9:02am, 1 Jun 2021
2,184 posts
|
Grast_girl
((Wombling Plodder)) That all sounds pretty awful. I don't really have much advice, but didn't want to read and run.
|
|
Jun 2021
9:18am, 1 Jun 2021
47,416 posts
|
LindsD
That sounds awful. My parents were violent towards one another on occasion. It's so distressing. What would be your ideal solution, do you think? Is there any scope for respite care for your Mum to take the heat out of the situation?
|
|
Jun 2021
9:54am, 1 Jun 2021
60,240 posts
|
Diogenes
That is beyond difficult, WP, and very distressing. As hard as it sounds, would they be better away from each other?
|
|
Jun 2021
1:53pm, 1 Jun 2021
3,746 posts
|
Wombling Plodder (Welsh Womble)
Thank you for your comments 😍
@Linds - I have spoken with the social worker(SW) about respite previously. Mum fears that if she goes in ‘a home’ she won’t come out and the SW feels that this would be very damaging to her so is not in agreement. Dad is finally going away for a long weekend in July as he hasn’t had a break for almost 2 years. It is left to me to sort out care whilst he is away as the SW feel that she can be left alone with a couple of care checks each day. Dad and I feel this is insufficient as she is forever burning food, leaving the gas on and the latest is blowing the fuses due to overfilling the kettle. I am therefore trying to get a temporary live in.
@Dio - I totally agree with you. They haven’t got enough money to fund a separate place and Mum thinks she can just go into sheltered accommodation like my great gran did many years ago - although I don’t think she would be safe, plus she doesn’t live in local authority housing. If I am honest, I was hoping that the SW would acknowledge that they can’t live together and come up with some ideas - I even looked into some places nearer to me but you need a SW referral and I am not sure if my local authority would allow it.
I think the sooner they are separated the better before any real harm is done.
I seem to keep bouncing between the GP and the SW (been like this for past 14 months) but not getting very far.
Thanks for listening.
|
|
Jun 2021
2:00pm, 1 Jun 2021
7,699 posts
|
Northern Exile
WP that's a dreadfully sad story - it must be breaking your heart. Deepest sympathies and I hope something resolves soon.
|
|
Jun 2021
2:06pm, 1 Jun 2021
4,586 posts
|
Little Miss Happy
WP - the paranoia and violence are very difficult. Does the GP know that things have escalated. As your dad is also a vulnerable adult does he have a separate social worker? When FiL attacked MiL we called the GP who then referred us to the Dementia Rapid Response Team and a MH assessment which led to him being sectioned and never returning home. Traumatic doesn't really cover it but it was the best result we could have had and led to his care being fully funded.
|
|
Jun 2021
2:34pm, 1 Jun 2021
19,912 posts
|
Bazoaxe
I really would have hoped the GP and SW would have taken a different approach given the information they have available to them. I agree that it is heart breaking if it comes to this situation, but it needs to be addressed.
It does put in to perspective some of the challenges we are facing which are minor in comparison although they are pushing Mrs Axe to the extent where she finds it difficult to visit or call her Mum as you dont know what the demands will be but you know there will be some and most of them are just not important.
|
The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023
