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May 2021
6:27pm, 23 May 2021
19,825 posts
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Bazoaxe
Sounds familar jda.
What is really hard to deal with is the fact that she just doesnt believe the answers she is given and there is a real risk she starts to make calls herself.
We have only just sorted out a mess she created over a smart meter which we managed to cancel only for another letter with a made up appointment to arrive again and cause the panic all over again
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May 2021
7:28pm, 23 May 2021
60,064 posts
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Diogenes
Mum has been with Eldercare for a few years for her emergency pendant service. They’ve been good.
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May 2021
7:30pm, 23 May 2021
60,065 posts
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Diogenes
Costs £118 per quarter...
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May 2021
5:51am, 24 May 2021
4,567 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Crumbs that's steep Dio - I had no idea they cost that much.
Baz - not another UTI brewing?
That's one of the difficulties with dementia jda. FiL was able to put on a good show until his was quite advanced.
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May 2021
6:16am, 24 May 2021
19,828 posts
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Bazoaxe
I don’t know LMH. I have sensed the last two weeks that somethings different
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May 2021
8:48am, 24 May 2021
14,680 posts
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geordiegirl
My nana had dementia but knew all the things they would ask as a test so we looked daft she looked fine. It’s so hard and I feel for you all dealing with it.
I joined a diverticulitis support group on FB they have been a fount of knowledge and so helpful. I’ve sent loads of info to them and my brother is going to try to get it printed for ease of reading and I’ve ordered a book that was recommended.
The links you sent LMH have been great too. Fingers crossed
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May 2021
10:22am, 24 May 2021
10,191 posts
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jda
Well, TBH I'm a bit brutally detached about it. He's only a danger to himself, he's made it quite clear he would rather fall over and die in his own garden than spend the rest of his days cooped up in a care home, and honestly I don't think it's our position to try to over-rule this choice.
He now has fully half a dozen bowls under the ceiling collecting drips, it will probably collapse in time and may short out the wiring before then but again, <shrug>. We have offered to help, tried to get him a builder, but he insists on relying on his local moonlighting handyman who has been making excuses for the past 6 months, obviously isn't up to the job and probably doesn't want to do it.
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May 2021
10:30am, 24 May 2021
19,838 posts
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Bazoaxe
That does sound challenging and is similar to a conversation we had yesterday after our visit. How long do you let things go before stepping in, or do you just let things go until either something happens or the authorities step in.
MiL we think is lonely and depressed. In theory a care home would solve that but in reality MiL would hate forced company. BiL is minimising contact and Mrs Axe feels the weight of the world on her shoulders and knows she should visit more often but finds it difficult and really needs me there as well for the moral support.
I also wondered yesterday what would happen in the event of an emergency - let say a Fire in the flats. MiL would be incapable of getting out and although neighbours have the code for the key safe, you cant ask others to risk their safety. One of the neighbours is already rasiing regular concerns about the carers not quite following stair procedures for rubbish disposal etc. He is well meaning but when you get rotating people who dont know where the bins are and which order to fill them and are rushing to their next client its hard to manage that for him
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May 2021
10:41am, 24 May 2021
10,193 posts
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jda
Simple fact is that (AIUI) we cannot step in by force of law until some doctor is prepared to say he does not have the capacity to make decisions, and the making of poor decisions isn't enough to support this. So all we can do is sit by ready to pick up the pieces next time something goes wrong.
I don't know exactly what sort of persuasion was necessary in the case of my grandmother (and the system was probably a bit different that many years ago) but in my father's case he accepted what was happening and was cooperative so it wasn't an issue.
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May 2021
11:00am, 24 May 2021
918 posts
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Big_G
Thanks the advice about the pendants. I called the local social services and they recommended a particular provider. On a bit of research the provider is associated with a small number of NHS Trusts. £54 for installation and then £25pm for a pendant for around his neck and a bracelet which has a fall detector (the bracelet also has a button he can press), so I've gone with that. Should be installed later this week. He's a stubborn old git, but I had a long chat with him yesterday and he has promised me faithfully that he'll wear it. I tried to impress on him that if he wants to be independent and stay at home, he needs to accept things like this. Not easy though.
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The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023