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Jul 2020
3:09pm, 23 Jul 2020
3,588 posts
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ThorntonRunner
Some nightmare scenarios here - thanks for setting it up McG and hopefully it can be a bit of a refuge for folks.
We're ok at the moment but could foresee that changing:
Sons are 24 and 22. 22yo is at home. He was a trainee outdoor activity instructor but his traineeship was terminated early in lockdown. He has a history of MH issues - self harming and anxiety. He seems in a good place atm, but now needs to start looking for alternative work which could reawaken the anxiety issues.
My parents are in their 90s and still live independently. Mum is still sharp mentally and reasonably active physically. Dad is slowing a bit and his mobility is reducing (2 sticks and a stairlift). We expect to need to be more involved as time goes on.
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Jul 2020
6:17pm, 23 Jul 2020
46,252 posts
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McGoohan
Part of my reason for setting up this thread is that I find it oddly reassuring that a lot of us are in this boat. We don't have to solve each other's problems but knowing that others are going through similar things gives me a little bit more resilience.
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Jul 2020
6:18pm, 23 Jul 2020
39,162 posts
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LindsD
And me
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Jul 2020
6:21pm, 23 Jul 2020
3,589 posts
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ThorntonRunner
That's right McG - it helps us not to feel so alone
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Jul 2020
6:37pm, 23 Jul 2020
86 posts
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sweetpeas
Absolutely agree, it feels such a lonely, isolating thing. This thread has already helped
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Jul 2020
9:24pm, 23 Jul 2020
14,684 posts
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Ultra Sparkly Bridget (USB)
Hello!
Parents in their 80s living in Devon but thankfully moved from large, cold Edwardian house to a nice modern flat in 2018. Also closer to my youngest brother so we are trying to leave day to day support to him. No in-laws but we certainly went through the mill with MiL a few years ago.
Son (29) - until recent events hasn’t made any significant calls on parental support
Daughter (22) - living with us since finishing her masters, working part-time in retail till something in her chosen industry comes along, mental health problems and currently on medication.
Husband - diabetic with leaky heart valve, just been referred to cardiologist.
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Jul 2020
7:08am, 27 Jul 2020
98 posts
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sweetpeas
Things have declined a bit here. My mother (as yet undiagnosed dementia but it seems pretty textbook, and a broken ankle 10 days ago after falling in the garden) appears to have a UTI, and it sounds as though my father hasn't been helping her change her underwear, putting her in pyjamas at night, or helping her brush her teeth etc. Her confusion and fantasy has got worse (a UTI won't help!!) and she just says what she thinks I want to hear. I feel so awful, I was wary about whether he might help her wash but I didn't even think to mention the rest. I can't believe he would just leave it. She's potentially been in the same clothes day and night for 10 days  So, I need to get some extra care in, or at least present him with the options (and failing that, a fait accompli, though I would rather avoid that if at all possible, perceptions of going behind my father's back etc). I'll look into it all today, but if anyone has any tips I'd be so grateful.
She is meant to be having a phone assessment with the memory team this morning, but I'm having to work hard to persuade him it's a good idea. I've tried to explain it's really important to do it, and that there's a possibility she'll go back to the bottom of the pile if he cancels / just doesn't answer the phone. She obviously also needs GP attention for the UTI.
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Jul 2020
9:12am, 27 Jul 2020
39,310 posts
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LindsD
Oh sweetpeas, that's tough. Might be worth copying your post to the Elderly parents thread as there are different people there with a range of experiences
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Jul 2020
9:47am, 27 Jul 2020
6,519 posts
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TeeBee
This week we have a sandwich holiday going on - dad in one holiday cottage and me, dh and ds in another next door.
All going pretty well, but dad not officially in a bubble with us, so feeding him and transporting us all around is a bit haphazard and not exactly in accordance with guidelines. Dad seems pretty chilled about it all.
ds isn't surfacing until 11-12 at the earliest.
I kinda feel responsible for everyone, which I am trying to resist; afterall everyone is old enough/healthy enough to look after themselves.
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Jul 2020
10:56am, 27 Jul 2020
101 posts
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sweetpeas
Thanks Linds, I will
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