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Jul 2020
12:16pm, 23 Jul 2020
35,673 posts
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HappyG(rrr)
Can we include grandchildren?! (For those of us who are lucky enough that kid(s) grown up, but feel some responsibility for young adult children and their offspring!)  G
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Jul 2020
12:18pm, 23 Jul 2020
46,246 posts
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McGoohan
Absolutely
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Jul 2020
12:44pm, 23 Jul 2020
40 posts
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kaysdee
Slightly different situation for me. I’m not sure where I fit! I’m 43, but husband is 58 and has a complicated health history. Previous heart attack, bladder cancer, brain aneurysm and most recently a rare young onset diagnosis of posterior cortical atrophy (dementia, they’re not completely sure as it is rare, but have been told it will progress to Alzheimer’s, or at the very least shares many similar characteristics, as well as the unique ones of PCA).
My kids are S16 (severely disabled), D15 and S13 (probable autism, although very high functioning and maybe other issues).
I feel like I’m pulled in a million directions. Husband diagnosed with the dementia in Nov 19, but symptoms, in hindsight, for a couple of years and although early days (he has full insight, so naturally has affected his mental health as... who wouldn’t be depressed) it is still difficult to deal with the deficits. I have to be everything for everyone and without the support from him, there is no one for me. The dementia symptoms are becoming blatantly obvious though. We wanted to protect the kids, especially as D15 is in GCSE year from September, ideally didn’t want to tell them for a few years, but I think we’re at crunch time - they have noticed too much, exasperation all round - and we will probably tell them today. I’m absolutely dreading it. S13 is especially vulnerable due to his issues - he has his first CAMHS appointment tomorrow. Might help deal with the fallout 😩
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Jul 2020
1:00pm, 23 Jul 2020
39,141 posts
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LindsD
Gosh, some hard stories on here.
I'm in. Mother, early dementia but won't admit it or be assessed. Children, four between 25 and 14. Mental health and school issues with youngest, mental health issues with eldest. In-laws luckily relatively OK and generally cared for by OH's siblings, who are geographically closer.
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Jul 2020
1:19pm, 23 Jul 2020
83 posts
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sweetpeas
Oh bloody hell kaysdee, that is an awful lot. Will be thinking of you.
Linds, I suspect it's a very common theme, my mother is in denial too. As is my father, despite simultaneously being unable to cope with her increasingly bizarre behaviour and rants. He has long standing MH issues. I'm only realising now, being a Mum, quite how utterly dysfunctional and downright bloody odd a childhood I had.
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Jul 2020
1:33pm, 23 Jul 2020
39,151 posts
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LindsD
My Dad spent the last few years of his life telling us that Mum was losing it, but we didn't believe him, as he was generally quite nasty about her and unsupportive of her. I guess it wouldn't have made any difference if we had believed him.
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Jul 2020
1:35pm, 23 Jul 2020
84 posts
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sweetpeas
Oh gosh, I am very sorry Linds, and horribly relatable. Their relationship is very similar, has been for I dunno, 40+ years though has got considerably more so. Honestly I just want to run away from it.
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Jul 2020
1:38pm, 23 Jul 2020
39,155 posts
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LindsD
I totally empathise. OH and I both have/had parents who have devoted their lives to making one another miserable, but not split up.
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Jul 2020
1:47pm, 23 Jul 2020
85 posts
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sweetpeas
^ THIS. Ugh. It's absolutely awful. And they seem to think I can 'fix' it. I don't think they've *really* spoken to each other, in a vaguely normal fashion, for decades. And now of course, its bringing out the worst in my father as he gets more and more frustrated at her repetition and the fantastical stories and lies, not to mention his freedom being curtailed and having to actually do stuff around the house. Thankfully, PIL are normal. I couldn't believe it when I first met them, it was a bit of a lightbulb moment.
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Jul 2020
1:47pm, 23 Jul 2020
10,154 posts
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lammo
Afternoon, the timing of this may be perfect.
I have two kids S8 and D5, a step daughter 21 with her own daughter 1 living in the house. Lockdown has been tough.
MIL has cancer, having a blood transfusion today, to allow her to have chemo on Tuesday next week. FIL, virtually blind and very stubborn re having help.
Thankfully my parents are OK although my father has a history of significant health issues but is currently OK
It feels like we need something to relieve some pressure soon or something / somebody is going to blow.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences and circumstances, feel free to reach out for support
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