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May 2022
9:41am, 12 May 2022
10,229 posts
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cathrobinson
At last count my mum said my dad had about £25k in his current account. He has no real need of money these days and the pension just keeps coming in. Were it not for my mum he’d be in a care home.
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May 2022
9:43am, 12 May 2022
8,835 posts
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Northern Exile
I think that's a very typical example Cath.
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May 2022
9:46am, 12 May 2022
32,547 posts
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EvilPixie
I can't see my mum ever agreeing to go into care
she will die in the house
she looked into help when dad was in his last weeks but decided it was too expensive so despite her poor health they didn't get help
The house is far too big for her and the cat and too hot for someone with a bad heart 
Like great gran she's in Berkshire where care costs are sky high - gran's care is 78K a year .... and they got asked to pay extra (in cash!) for a fish and chip super they "treated" the residents to!
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May 2022
9:49am, 12 May 2022
57,980 posts
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Velociraptor
My dad doesn't have a clue about money. He can handle cash, use a debit card, and get a statement from the hole in the wall, but he's terrified of anything more complicated and gets quite agitated when my mum (who is very competent) tries to get him to learn about their savings and how the bills are paid. I suppose that's the consequence of a lifetime of handing over your pay packet and being given pocket money. If anything happened to Mum I'd have to sort out all that stuff.
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May 2022
9:54am, 12 May 2022
10,230 posts
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cathrobinson
V’rap, you’ve just described my parents. They’ve always had separate accounts and my dad used to give her ‘housekeeping’ each week from the hole in the wall. She then takes care of everything else financially for the pair of them. God help us if she went first.
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May 2022
9:55am, 12 May 2022
16,454 posts
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Cerrertonia
Pretty much the same for my parents v'rap. My dad used the debit card for the first time this year, after decades of being given cash only for the specific occasions when he needed to buy something, such as a Christmas present. He wouldn't have the faintest idea how bills get paid. He's just got a smartphone though, so there is still time to learn.
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May 2022
9:56am, 12 May 2022
25,186 posts
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Rosehip
78k/yr doesn’t sound sky high to me, dad’s short stay in a care home cost a fair bit more than that weekly rate.
Saving, expecting that dad would need care (he had something called CMT, but it was a later diagnosis of Parkinson’s that was more debilitating) is why mum is now more than comfortable- it’s difficult to get out of the mindset of being careful, looking for the best returns etc even once you’ve built up a buffer.
forgetting that there would still be pension income to go towards the care costs as well, probably.
Avoiding paying inheritance tax isn’t mum’s worry her attitude is that it needs paying - but have you seen the probate etc forms for higher inheritance levels?- she wants to spare us the paperwork and is currently enjoying trying to spend as much as possible, paying VAT and supporting small businesses in the process.
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May 2022
11:08am, 12 May 2022
8,836 posts
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Northern Exile
I live a considerable distance from my parents and don't particularly enjoy visiting them, so it's going to be difficult in the event that they need family support. My brother lives in Australia and is well out of it, I rather hope that my stepsisters will help out when needed. And it will be.... as an example, my stepfather is not well and sadly, he won't be with us for long. He does all domestic admin including ordering food deliveries, pays bills, organises household maintenance etc - he even does all the cooking. My mother is quite able, just incredibly lazy and unwilling to compromise her dignity in order to learn something , the result being she lives in a different parallel to the rest of the world - she can't even use a mobile phone or turn her washing machine on 😕. It sounds funny, but it's anything but. She's very difficult.
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May 2022
11:36am, 12 May 2022
8,837 posts
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Northern Exile
Just occurred to me that I strayed well off topic there. Apologies to all.
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May 2022
11:38am, 12 May 2022
4,486 posts
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Fields
My parents moved an hour further away from me and my brother (and hence their grandchildren) a few years ago when in their mid 60s. I’ve moved a further 2 hours (more in the summer!) away from them last year so it’s now a 4 hour + drive.
They themselves lived a 6 hr drive from their parents. It will make things awkward at some point I expect but what can you do? You have to live your life
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Jigs