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Feb 2013
2:42pm, 28 Feb 2013
24,258 posts
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Velociraptor
I can remember a time when I genuinely couldn't imagine ever wanting to have sex again, and didn't really mind. I was a long way short of my 40s at the time.
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Feb 2013
2:43pm, 28 Feb 2013
47,288 posts
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plodding hippo
Unbelievable EB
I can recall going off sex about 2 years into my marriage-going off it physically biig time
I was workign 100 hour weeks and had gained quite a lot of weight and felt terrible about myself
At that time, I had sex without wanting to, but tended to try and avoid it if possible
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Feb 2013
2:44pm, 28 Feb 2013
47,289 posts
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plodding hippo
Yeah, I was about 30 vrap
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Feb 2013
2:47pm, 28 Feb 2013
13,769 posts
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DeeGee
It's to do with the fact, Jen, that it's an enjoyable act that, for most of us, after a few years' practice, we're allowed to only do it with one other person. I can't think of any other popular pastime like that.
If it were ballroom dancing, for instance, you'd be able to find another partner. Without losing your house and access to your kids.
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Feb 2013
2:52pm, 28 Feb 2013
13,770 posts
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DeeGee
Surely, if sex ceases to be something that happens within a loving relationship, then the partner that made that decision no longer has the right to expect exclusivity.
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Feb 2013
2:53pm, 28 Feb 2013
656 posts
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FreshStart
I went without sex for 7 years during my late 20s/early 30s.
Once I'd been without a shag for a few months I forgot what all the fuss was about and didn't miss sex. I did however miss the cuddles and company/companionship which to me are far more important than sex.
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Feb 2013
2:54pm, 28 Feb 2013
24,077 posts
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JenL
We don't have any "right" to exclusivity though. It's a mutual agreement. If it ceases to be one, then things change and that has to be addressed by both parties.
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Feb 2013
2:58pm, 28 Feb 2013
9,384 posts
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Pootle
I know lots of people that have been together years, and are not *ahem* exclusive. Seems to work perfectly well for them. I know it is *just* sex, but I think I would be a bit too jealous to cope with that.
Slightly off topic, but monogamy is a bit of an odd one isn't it.
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Feb 2013
3:01pm, 28 Feb 2013
657 posts
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FreshStart
You might not know or be aware that your partner is getting his/her kicks elsewhere.
It took me months to realise that my husband to be was sleeping with my (ex) best friend. It took me even longer to learn to trust men again and to assume that they don't all play away from home.
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Feb 2013
3:07pm, 28 Feb 2013
First-time poster!!
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privacy
Firstly my apologies as a number of posts have said people with these types of concerns wouldn't post, so I have come in with an pseudonym or whatever a new logon is.
I am a fetch regular but would prefer to remain private on this one, but think the other side of the story might give some balance.
I am a 50 something male, regular sporting type. Have been in a loving relationship for over 10 years, have no erectile problems, but also have no libido, it has decreased over the last 4-5 years to nothing. No sex since Jan 2012, for about 3 years I have not ejaculated during sex which did not diminish my enjoyment but upset OH a lot.
Yes it does bother me, yes it really does bother OH who has a normal sex drive. It has caused huge rows during the decline and since my 'old man' medical last year I have been through the full battery of tests and have ended up having sleep tests (I had apnoea a couple of years back and ended up on CPAP which does mean separate bedrooms). I find out next week if that is contributing to triedness, lack of interest etc. After that it looks like CBT for me.
This issue can destroy a relationship ... it hurts all parties. Even if I do feel occassionally up foor something there is that much fear that I will upset my partner by an occassional approach, or she gets, at her own admission, upset because she would rather have none rather than the rare false dawn.
We sleep together and do many of the intimate things that are suggested above hand holding etc but something is missing but to stay together in a relationship that is happy the rest of the time we are living with this.
I do question whether I still fancy her, and believe I do, whether I still really love her ... and believe I do, feel I do (we could get really philosophical on the meaning of love) deeply.
So do I say no, she doesn't ask, am I being cruel in removoing sex .. it hasn't been done intentionally. Is there a future for our relationship, I really hope so. I don't know if this is a physical thing (certainly not the type that viagra is needed to solve), or a mental/stress thing but I / we will hopefully have the strength to get through it because I still want to get down and dirty with my OH because she is gorgeous and sexy and deserves better than what I am currently offering.
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Who are all the single Fetchies!!
Nov 2024