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Jul 2019
10:00pm, 21 Jul 2019
40,540 posts
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McGoohan
Yes - it is great to have this thread - I think just knowing a lot of us are going through this is reassuring in itself.
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Jul 2019
10:14pm, 21 Jul 2019
28,650 posts
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LindsD
I definitely find that. And being able to share the conflicting and sometimes not very honourable feelings makes it easier to process them..
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Jul 2019
6:43am, 22 Jul 2019
1,511 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Not selfish at all McG it's a pain in the proverbial and very stressful - the whole time we were away last week I was waiting for a call from the home with some adverse news about FiL. Do they have some professional care in place to supplement what Leibling and the rest of the family are able to provide?
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Jul 2019
6:59am, 22 Jul 2019
40,542 posts
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McGoohan
Well there *was* after the last TIA but the MiL has been fiercely against having anyone else in the house her whole life. The last lot got sent away.
This time a doctor said, ‘you are going to have to accept some help at home.’ She said yes but then added, ‘but they aren’t allowed to do the toilet or bathroom...’
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Jul 2019
7:36am, 22 Jul 2019
28,654 posts
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LindsD
*sigh*
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Jul 2019
7:38am, 22 Jul 2019
40,543 posts
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McGoohan
Liebling and her sister were doing a silent scream at that
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Jul 2019
8:00am, 22 Jul 2019
27,320 posts
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LazyDaisy
LMH I know what you mean - OH has persuaded me that we can stay at the seaside for a few hours longer (we usually leave after breakfast so I can visit Mum in the afternoon) so we will leave this evening and she won't get a visit today. I feel guilty but objectively I know that she has no understanding of time passing (she has told my sister, in the past, that she rarely sees me 🙄) but that underlying guilt is still there 
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Jul 2019
8:20am, 22 Jul 2019
38,707 posts
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Diogenes
I always feel guilty that I'm not caring enough for my Mum. I visit once a week with the shopping, cut her grass and do some weeding. Otherwise we watch TV together as I don't have a lot to say to her, and she only tells me the same things every 5 minutes. Going during the summer is best because at least I can go outside and be busy. Mum will come out and join me and start working away, she is obsessed with the weeding and cleaning the patio. She is remarkably robust for 87 (88 in September), but she tends to overdo it doing this and then looks half dead.
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Jul 2019
8:30am, 22 Jul 2019
1,512 posts
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Little Miss Happy
McG - as if any 'help' would be cleaning for them............
Daisy - you enjoy those extra few hours.
Dio - it sounds as though you've found a good way to spend time with your mum. You could try proposing regular breaks for drinks to persuade her to take it a bit easier?
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Jul 2019
8:32am, 22 Jul 2019
14,982 posts
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Bazoaxe
McG, we had that with my MiL. In her last hospital admission it became clear she wasn't getting home until she accepted the extra help and when she realised this she decided to accept the help as the alternative was worse.
On a separate note when we were visiting yesterday we mentioned a possible holiday to Turkey net summer. This promted a question about the political situation and then an enquiry about us having wills. My daughters answer wasn't believed and she looked to me. She ended by saying she wanted to ensure her inheritance wasn't messed up !!!
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