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Feb 2013
7:36pm, 27 Feb 2013
1,671 posts
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Wobbling
Did the flora adverts with his Mum, that one?
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Feb 2013
7:38pm, 27 Feb 2013
12,378 posts
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Stander
Yes. Got hot missus.
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Feb 2013
8:14pm, 27 Feb 2013
6,850 posts
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McGoohan
Hello again all.
That was quite a lot of posts to read through since I was last on. I was in some doubt whether to start this thread last night but I'm glad I did now. Lots of interesting and different viewpoints and, although we're on page 22 already, no one yet has called anyone else a troll/muppet/etc which must be some kind of record.
My view is that no-one should be coerced into sex, or 'guilted' into sex. I don't think sex is a duty or a right. Nor should it be bought (except from a reputable dealer) with money or favours.
I also think it is probably normal for sexual interest to wane with age a bit but I reckon that varies enormously. I'm 50 now and so far, I'd say my libido is unchanged from when I was 30. (Not from when I was 20 though. I was an idiot when I was 20.) I think it was Chrisull a few pages back asking if I thought that when people get to 80 and one of the partners doesn't want sex then that relationship is irretrievably broken. No, that's not my view.
There is a world of difference between being 40 and not wanting sex ever again and being 80 and not wanting sex ever again. Even at 80, I am assuming there would have been some sort of tailing off over the intervening years.
If my wife said to me 'I'm sorry, but the idea of sex revolts me and I can't see us ever having sex again' then first off, I'd feel hurt and rejected. Second though I'd try to understand why and what had changed. Maybe seek out some counselling. And I'm sure I could live with that situation for a while. But there would come a time - and I have no idea how long that would take - where it wouldn't be enough. If you've gone off me physically, then you don't want me emotionally as much as you used to either. I think I'd see it as an indicator the relationship was on the way out.
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Feb 2013
8:19pm, 27 Feb 2013
6,851 posts
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McGoohan
Back to the people that 'inspired' this thread. They first started sleeping separately because his snoring/breathing/presence was keeping her awake and making her tired during the week when she had to be up early for work.
That's been going on for a year or so, but I believe that even at weekends now they are not in the same room.
From my outsider's perspective, they don't seem to have that much in common anymore except their kids and it won't be too long before they're off to college/whatever. So I very much see their physical separation as one symptom of a general separating that's been going on a while.
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Feb 2013
8:21pm, 27 Feb 2013
17,156 posts
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Johnny Blaze
If my missus said, "sex with you, or in fact, sex of any sort, revolts me" then i would be a tad worried as it never seemed to bother her in the past.
But if she said, "Johnny, we've done it loads of times and tbh i've done that, got the t shirt, and now it bores me - a bit like the last 2 series of "House" - basically the same storyline over and over. I still love you and want to spend my life with you. ", i would probably accept that, because i love her. But i dunno whether i would still feel the same in 5 years time.
A man has needs, and they can't always be satisfied by thinking saucy when you put the petrol nozzle in your fuel tank.
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Feb 2013
8:23pm, 27 Feb 2013
3,954 posts
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Trin
Just stumbled on this thread... interesting debate
Some have suggested age is a factor to a lowering libido... suggesting 40's and 50's. Well I'm 50 in less than 3 weeks (eek!  ) and I haven't experienced and lowering... on the contrary in fact.
However, when I was with my ex husband sex was not that frequent and that was ok with me, and him I believe. It actually became less and less frequent until we just didn't anymore. It didn't bother me that he didn't want it because I didn't either.
I believed, at the age of about 38ish, that 'that' part of my life was over.
But ultimately our marriage died, not because of the lack of sex but because there was actually no other kind of closeness either.
When I met someone else I realised that I actually did still enjoy sex... and from there my libido grew and is actually quite high.
Thankfully so is my partners
We're both going into our 50's with a very active sex life and I don't see a time when it will be any different.
Going back to McG's 'couples', the description could easily have applied to my married relationship back then, but I guess I was with the wrong person, even though we both believed we loved each other and were married for life. In hindsight... something had died
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Feb 2013
8:24pm, 27 Feb 2013
24,030 posts
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JenL
This thread has reminded me that the last time I gave blood I particularly noticed the question "Have you ever had sex with someone for money or drugs?" As far as I'm aware, I haven't but today I've been thinking about that question in relation to people who "lie back and think of England" and I wonder how they answer the question if they're having sex they don't really want and accepting monetary help from their partner to pay the household bills, or being brought a paracetamol for their nightly "headache"?
It's a thought...
Hasn't called anyone a cnut either
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Feb 2013
8:24pm, 27 Feb 2013
2,310 posts
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colettedeann
the truth is women have 'needs' too -
true story
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Feb 2013
8:25pm, 27 Feb 2013
15,382 posts
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FenlandFunRunner
I nearly as bad at sex as I am at running, it wouldn't be missed
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Feb 2013
8:26pm, 27 Feb 2013
114 posts
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SilverSwift
I'd view it as an indicator of a wider problem too. I do sympathise with people who have this problem, it's so difficult to balance practicalities and realities with the emotional damage that celibacy could inflict. In honesty I like the argument of sex not being at all necessary in a relationship, but as much as I want to, I'm not sure I can fully ascribe to it. Sex is a function and extension of deeper things in a committed relationship, methinks!
Interestingly I actually know two people around my age (mid-20's) who went through this for a period of time, which is probably fairly unusual. Just goes to show that marriage isn't the cause!
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