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Dec 2024
4:44am, 4 Dec 2024
24,273 posts
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Dave W
Condolences, 3M.
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Dec 2024
4:54am, 4 Dec 2024
27,750 posts
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Bazoaxe
I am sorry to hear about your mum.
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Dec 2024
5:42am, 4 Dec 2024
13,019 posts
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PaulaMc
My condolences, 3M. That must have been quite a shock for you all.
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Dec 2024
6:00am, 4 Dec 2024
3,630 posts
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No.12
My widower FiL suddenly went downhill (including double incontinence) from mobile and lucid to immobile, incontinent, confused and unable to cope. You dont realise how shell-schocked it leaves you all with the suddenly flurry of activity, arranging carers, filling in forms, trying to get sense out of his finances, buying bed pads, additional clothing (too much laundry), additional bedding, additional towels and wash cloths, dealing with lost prescriptions and applying painkiller patches etc etc. And then suddenly making space for a hospital bed and getting rid of the old one. Madness. The carers are brilliant, but there is no respite for all the other bits that have been going on for three weeks. I suspect it wont settle until just about Xmas. He is suddenly bed-bound this week so cant even make it to his dining table to eat, which changes the carer arrangements before we even have any funding (2 needed to turn him for cleaning etc). I have been impressed with the sudden ramping up of all the help from nurses, carers, Occupational Therapists, doctors, pharmacists etc etc but its a very quick learning experience and little that can prepare you for it unless you have been there before. The arrival of the hospital bed which was an overnight decision by the nurses probably doesnt bode well (he has an undiagnosed very painful internal issue and currently wont go to a hospital to have it sorted, but we are working on it). As a nearby relative you just have to accept you are needed everyday for multiple things and not panic. A few hiccups, such as finding one carer thinks the garden waste bin is where the nappies go, but on the whole we dont feel abandoned at all, but then we are fortunate to be competent, savvy and firm enough (polite) to be able to navigate the myriad of barriers that are understandably in the way of accessing all the various services.
For an older, less aware, less confident, partner or relative dealing with this it must be a distressingly hard and lonely experience. We have myself, OH and two other daughters working on it daily and I think we are fortunate from that point of view.
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Dec 2024
6:44am, 4 Dec 2024
7,621 posts
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Little Miss Happy
My condolences 3M. I always think that when people go quickly like that it's better for them but harder for those left behind.
No12. Lots to deal with but it sounds as though there is lots of support.
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Dec 2024
7:08am, 4 Dec 2024
759 posts
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compartmental
My condolences 3M, it sounds like was a shock. Best wishes for you & your family xxx
No12 that sounds so very difficult, I hope you and OH & family can take a few minutes to find peace in each other
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Dec 2024
7:13am, 4 Dec 2024
51,493 posts
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Merry Christmas and Happy NewG(rrr)
Crikey No 12, that sounds incredibly hard. Wishing you all and FiL the best. G
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Dec 2024
7:26am, 4 Dec 2024
71,349 posts
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LindsD
That does sound like a lot No12. Sending strength.
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Dec 2024
7:32am, 4 Dec 2024
760 posts
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compartmental
We still have no date for FIL’s funeral, which is wearing and frustrating. Likely to be sometime in the New Year, which means Xmas will have everything hanging over us.
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Dec 2024
7:35am, 4 Dec 2024
71,352 posts
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LindsD
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