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The benefits of giving up alcohol

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28 contributors in last 30 days

HappyG(rrr) Jul 2017 10:00am, 17 Jul 2017 26,899 posts	0 HappyG(rrr) M, hiya, not sure I can advise brilliantly on this, cos when I met my partner 12.5 years ago I was still drinking (interestingly I stopped within about 6 months of meeting her, but not connected). However, what I do find is that while my missus is generally very understanding of lots of things and a very supportive person, she still doesn't completely "get" my not drinking. Every year or so she'll say something like "well, you could just try a drink at this event, if you wanted." or "I can drive at this one if you want a drink" etc. It's not that she's thoughtless, I think she genuinely doesn't understand that I consider it as an illness and that I must not drink or I'll make myself very, very unwell. Anyway, with a new relationship, I wouldn't necessarily expect the person to "get" it (or as above, possibly not even after years!) but does that matter. Just be consistent in your message, understanding of their (possible) lack of understanding and take each date out as it comes? The hardest part for me was the practical one. Of explaining to my wife that I might just have to leave an event very quickly if I am feeling uncomfortable. I think she still thinks that I'm just being a bit of a drama queen, or selfish if it's something I don't fancy going to. And that is hard. I don't know if it manifests for you like it does for me - if I am feeling under pressure at an event, perhaps with new people that I don't know, or don't like (!) that I then feel out of place with my sobriety, or uncomfortable "being me". And then I panic and just want to get out of there. And that has caused me and my wife some problems, maybe two or 3 times in 12 years. And not at all in the last 3 or 4 I would say. So it gets better. But protect yourself above everything. And very best of luck with the relationship. Just take each date as it comes. Try and enjoy as much as poss. As with every day in life. G
Oscar the grouch Jul 2017 10:03am, 17 Jul 2017 293 posts	0 Oscar the grouch I suspect you probably put that better than I did, HG
emmdeecee Jul 2017 10:08am, 17 Jul 2017 2,178 posts	0 emmdeecee Thanks Oscar and HappyG. There's no point in worrying about something that might not be an issue. I suspect (hope!!!) that she will become more understanding over time but who knows. Onwards and upwards!
HappyG(rrr) Jul 2017 10:19am, 17 Jul 2017 26,900 posts	0 HappyG(rrr) X-post Oscar. I just have verbal diarrhoea so takes me longer to write! And actually I thought of, but forgot to write, the bit about that if they are the right kind of person for you, they will understand. I suppose I just wanted to say that it might take time for them to. I am v. lucky too that my missus isn't a big drinker. She doesn't open a bottle of wine or cider or anything in the house often. Actually, never. And she doesn't buy it in. We have a drinks cupboard but it's sort of left overs - spirits or champagne received as gifts, bottles of wine or beer from when we had guests. And that's when it is opened, if we have visitors. When we are out to dinner she may have a G&T or glass of wine, but that's about it. And I am completely fine with that and love her so much, and love that she really doesn't drink. I don't know how I would cope if she did always want to drink too much or did drink in the house. I think I'd find it hard, if I'm honest. When I pick her up from a night out with work or pals and she's had a few (rare), I do feel a bit grumpy sometimes. And I won't collect her past midnight (I value my sleep!) and she has to get a cab or a lift home! Not sure any of this is relevant for you, but I'm enjoying splurging out my thoughts. Always useful to think through and to express it. For me, if not for you, dear Fetchies! G
emmdeecee Jul 2017 10:49am, 17 Jul 2017 2,179 posts	0 emmdeecee Thanks HappyG. I'm glad you said to give her time to understand. I was worried that the advice would be to get out now, as I really don't want that. I guess I will just have to be patient and honest (with her and myself) if her behaviour affects me. I have no issues with her going out drinking with her pals so that might be enough for her. I do agree that if we're right for each other, then we should be able to work it out. My fingers are firmly crossed.
Scorge Jul 2017 4:31pm, 17 Jul 2017 377 posts	0 Scorge my partner seldom drinks these days, and hasn't drank in front of me at all since our second date. she says she might have subconsciously changed the way she thinks about the booze since meeting me, both of our wilder days are long gone too. 982 not out, and loving it. well done all : )
LindsD Jul 2017 6:10pm, 17 Jul 2017 18,279 posts	0 LindsD As usual, HappyG hits the nail on the head, and I have very little to add, other than that my OH still drinks more than is advisable, but is extremely supportive of my decision, and it's only an issue for me when it's necessary for me to somehow bail him out of a situation he's got himself into through drink, which hasn't happened for several years now. But everyone is different.
emmdeecee Jul 2017 8:42am, 18 Jul 2017 2,180 posts	0 emmdeecee Thanks all. I suppose I'm also a bit worried that if I smell alcohol on her, it might set me off; deep down, though, I'm sure my recovery is strong enough and I need to start trusting that I will do what's right for me
LindsD Jul 2017 9:11am, 18 Jul 2017 18,290 posts	0 LindsD Indeed you do.
HappyG(rrr) Aug 2017 2:51pm, 1 Aug 2017 27,020 posts	0 HappyG(rrr) Gosh, still v. quiet. Hope it's because everyone is doing so well! Here's a controversial (or possibly not so, in here with ma homies) observation: is there another cycle of glorification of drunkenness coming around? Or am I being oversensitive? I say cycle, because we've had ladette culture in the 90s or Noughties. And raves in the 90s. Actually, as I think about it, maybe every decade, every generation has its drink and/or drug fuelled low points. They just get reported in the media in cycles? What prompted the thought was a film review of Girls Trip. A sort of 48 Hour Party People, crazy drunken weekend type movie. But with good reviews. The other thing I found quite challenging was a blog of a drunken (well, drinking) weekend, here in Fetchland. No criticism of the individual Fetchie. I wonder if I'm just getting po-faced. I always said I wouldn't let my non-drinking become a judgement on others. But maybe I'm changing my tune. G

About This Thread

Maintained by HappyG(rrr)

Looks as though this thread has become popular again, here in 2010 (it's now 2024, and it started in 2008, so I think "ever popular" might be more apt! :-)

G )

Good Luck everyone.

A recent plea for those struggling to "reach out" as they say in US of A!

"Anyone not feeling strong and confident, please shout out. Or fmail. Or any other comms that works. Don't drink alcohol when you don't want to, for lack of someone to talk to. Pick up the phone, not the bottle."

Some acronyms, in case people use them:
JFT - Just for today
ODAAT - One day at a time
KIS - Keep it simple
TBOGUA - The Benefits Of Giving Up Alcohol (the title of this thread!)

New feature: article/blog of the month (period may change randomly!) Swittle's wonderful 14,611 days blog: (see links below)

Linking Joopsy's 17 year blog too, cos it's awesome!

There is a GREAT article summarising some of the benefits, to save you having to trawl through the thread (includes links to helpful apps and other resources).

And a great list of Alternative Drinks started by the lovely LindsD:

Please add to these articles and make them as valuable as possible! Thanks! :-)

G

And one from way back when...
Dirt Monkey's brilliant blog on TBOGUA too - go try this...

Rebel has recommended a couple of good books:
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober: THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER
by Catherine Gray

The Alcohol Experiment: 30 Days to Take Control, Cut Down or Give Up For Good
by Annie Grace

A great response from a health professional in Ireland responding to a question from a Guardian reader about why the warnings on alcoholic drinks that are coming in:

theguardian.com

"Alcohol is responsible for at least 1,000 cancer cases every year in Ireland, with one in eight breast cancer cases arising from alcohol use. Even one to two drinks per day increases the risk of developing cancer, and that risk is the same whether those drinks are wine, spirits or beer. Unfortunately, there is a very low level of public awareness that alcohol has been classed as a Group 1 carcinogen, meaning it is carcinogenic to humans. That is why Ireland has passed legislation that provides for health information labels on alcohol products, including warnings about cancer, liver disease and the danger of drinking in pregnancy. It is unsurprising that the alcohol industry, which promotes its products with carefully crafted myths of good times for all, is objecting to the mandatory provision of facts (Anger brews in Italy over Ireland’s plans for alcohol health warnings, 12 January).
Dr Sheila Gilheany
CEO, Alcohol Action Ireland
"

And the all important fabulous services:
Alcoholics Anonymous
National Helpline (FREE) 0800 9177 650
help@aamail.org

Al Anon
020 7403 0888

medal

Contact TBOGUA medal

We're adding in our own Fetch offer of one to one contact too, for anyone who doesn't want to post in the thread for whatever reason. Please feel free to fmail ANY of the names listed below.

- - - -
HappyG(rrr)
( Oscar the grouch RIP )
mrs shanksi
Derby Tup
iaincr
Love Lettuce
DocM
LindsD
GeneHunt59
GregP