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Jul 2020
4:41pm, 19 Jul 2020
6 posts
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Masquerade
(given that I couldn't find a similar thread offhand)
Have any lovely Fetchies tried relationship / couples counselling - and are happy to talk about it?
Specific questions that come to mind at the moment:
* What did you go for - an organisation like Relate or a stand-alone counsellor?
* What were the key factors for you in deciding whom to pick as a counsellor?
* And finally for now, did you have much resistance from your partner in broaching the idea of counselling and, if so, how did you go about persuading them?
Ta muchly.
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Jul 2020
9:00pm, 19 Jul 2020
17,067 posts
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Rosehip
Sorry I don't have any answers - but am very interested if anyone else does, so bumping your thread...
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Jul 2020
10:43am, 20 Jul 2020
7 posts
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Masquerade
Thanks, Rosehip - and also to the Fetchie who fmailed me. 
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Jul 2020
10:50am, 20 Jul 2020
19,549 posts
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ChrisHB
I am seeing a psychotherapeutic psychoanalyst (or the other way round) who does also work with couples. I found her through a friend of my wife's who is something similar and selected her from among her professional acquaintances for me.
I very rarely reget the hour I spend with her every two or three weeks.
So: personal recommendation.
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Jul 2020
7:13pm, 25 Jul 2020
8 posts
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Masquerade
Thanks, Chris (and people who fmailed) - much appreciated. Having spoken to Relate, they don't have date for face-to-faces sessions yet, alas.
To be candid, I don't feel (emotionally, not physically) safe trying to do sessions with my OH and I in one place, and the counsellor somewhere else, so I'm minded to try to tough it out until September. (There's also the issue that finding time for us both to attend at the same time would be near-impossible in term-time).
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Dec 2020
2:39pm, 6 Dec 2020
12 posts
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Masquerade
Apologies for the self-indulgence but I'm having a "Am I going crackers?" moment here.
Just after lunch, I asked my OH "Have you got plans for the afternoon?" and she snapped back angrily "No. I dont".
I sidled up to her a couple of minutes later, asking "Is something wrong?" and she replied, still clearly angry "You ask me that all the time. I don't have plans. If I have plans, I'll tell you" and turned on her heel. Another two minutes later, all sweetness and light to everyone "Right, I'm wrapping Christmas presents- everyone out of the dining room!".
Is that initial question inherently irritating or am I just gaslighting myself now?
I've read dozens of midlife crisis tales of "we're still best friends but the passion has gone"... but this feels like a marriage where even the friendship has evaporated...
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Dec 2020
2:51pm, 6 Dec 2020
55,545 posts
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Diogeneezer Scrooge
Do you have have plans, generally, ones you share, or are you led by your other half’s activities?
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Dec 2020
10:12am, 7 Dec 2020
6,862 posts
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Mer-Rae Christmas
I don't think it's an inherently annoying question, but any question asked repeatedly when you feel the other person should already know the answer can become annoying.
Of course, there's every chance that you don't actually ask that question terribly often and she's being sensitive about it for some other reason - the fact that she doesn't have any plans might be what she's really upset about, particularly if what she would usually be doing is no longer possible because of the whole tedious covid thing, for example.
Or she might be adding her own layer of meaning and interpreting it as you looking to her to make plans for the both of you, or think that you're trying to score some sort of point by having plans yourself when she doesn't...
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Dec 2020
8:43pm, 7 Dec 2020
13 posts
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Masquerade
Thanks, both. I wrote a long weapons-grade self-indulgent reply but posted it as a blog in the end.
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Aug 2021
7:00pm, 1 Aug 2021
7,011 posts
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Dooogs
I was about to ask a question on here and then realised it was nearly identical to questions posed a year ago.
A different one: Has anyone tried relationship discernment counselling (tl:dr - a short set of counselling sessions to work out if trying to save the relationship is a sensible starting point)? If so, how did you get on?
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