Hello from a transman.
9:56am, 17th Aug 2019 | 35 Comments
Blog by Vixx
| More by this blogger
| More bloggers
Would you honestly know by looking at my profile picture that I am transgender? (If you didn't already know me).
It's been a long slog to here, today.
Life is a bit easier now, as in I am happier now I am more in the right skin (same, slightly improved product but different packaging). There's still stuff that makes life that little bit trickier, but it's more manageable if I am happier.
I didn't know I was unhappy prior to transition, but life didn't really feel like I was living. I just had a big feeling of not fitting in, but not knowing WHY I didn't fit in. If I look at photos now from that time, I'm a bit dead behind the eyes, no smile in most of them.
I fancied women so thought I must be a lesbian - but I only ever fancied straight women. A counsellor I saw once at Uni thought it was an avoidance technique, I could fancy them knowing that they weren't available to me. Then she suggested career counselling as a way of helping my depression by helping me focus on what I wanted to do (presumably instead of whom I wanted to do).
When people used to ask me as a child what I wanted to be, I'd always say "A boy". When I got to the age of 10 and realised that people were laughing at me, I stopped saying that. I tried so hard to be female, I really did. I tried make-up and girly clothes. I tried to be friends with girls (all my close friends were boys). I tried to fit in and failed every time.
Sport has helped me all the way through - hockey, netball, football, basketball, athletics (to name a few things) and finally running. It allows me to get rid of the daily stress that we all have, and helps me to deal better with the trans issues and helped me greatly through the gender counselling and transition process. I have always favoured the marathon distance and as a metaphor for transition it's a good one.
But I'll tell you about that in another blog....
It's been a long slog to here, today.
Life is a bit easier now, as in I am happier now I am more in the right skin (same, slightly improved product but different packaging). There's still stuff that makes life that little bit trickier, but it's more manageable if I am happier.
I didn't know I was unhappy prior to transition, but life didn't really feel like I was living. I just had a big feeling of not fitting in, but not knowing WHY I didn't fit in. If I look at photos now from that time, I'm a bit dead behind the eyes, no smile in most of them.
I fancied women so thought I must be a lesbian - but I only ever fancied straight women. A counsellor I saw once at Uni thought it was an avoidance technique, I could fancy them knowing that they weren't available to me. Then she suggested career counselling as a way of helping my depression by helping me focus on what I wanted to do (presumably instead of whom I wanted to do).
When people used to ask me as a child what I wanted to be, I'd always say "A boy". When I got to the age of 10 and realised that people were laughing at me, I stopped saying that. I tried so hard to be female, I really did. I tried make-up and girly clothes. I tried to be friends with girls (all my close friends were boys). I tried to fit in and failed every time.
Sport has helped me all the way through - hockey, netball, football, basketball, athletics (to name a few things) and finally running. It allows me to get rid of the daily stress that we all have, and helps me to deal better with the trans issues and helped me greatly through the gender counselling and transition process. I have always favoured the marathon distance and as a metaphor for transition it's a good one.
But I'll tell you about that in another blog....
Got something to say?
To see the comments on this blog, or to add a comment yourself, you need to either sign in or register as a user.
Vixx
Started running to help fight depression in 2002. Ran my first marathon in 2004 and have been bitten by the bug ever since. Marathon distance is my preferred race distance, but am branching out into half marathons and 10k races now, in order to work on building up my speed.Profile | Blog | Other Blogs